


Loving Hate

by aianfren12



Category: Jigoku Shoujo | Hell Girl
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Drabble Collection, Drama & Romance, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, F/M, Horror, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-25 16:30:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 25,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18578281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aianfren12/pseuds/aianfren12
Summary: "Where there is a spark, fire is likely to follow." Ai/Ren loosely connected drabbles and chapters.





	1. Gesture

**Author's Note:**

> Adaptations and changes may be made, since I am posting and moving this work from FF.Net to here.  
> Link to FF.Net  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10241362/1/Loving-Hate
> 
> Please enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated and needed for motivation. (:
> 
> WARNINGS  
> This is years of work uploaded all at once, so grammatical mistakes from earlier chapters may be left as is; I began this story as a less experienced writer and it shows in the style and writing.  
> This story contains explicit depictions of Rape/Abuse, just so we're all on the same page here.

Ai Enma was not the talkative sort. Besides her ever repeating monologues, she almost never spoke.

Today was no exception, or at least that's what Ichimoku Ren assumed.

Ren was not the sort to do nice things for people. On the contrary, he was known by most to be a "genuine asshole."

Today however; he felt like doing something nice. Just for the hell of it.

He knew that his little miss enjoyed Chinese food. So, well Ai was out watching over a client. Ren quietly left his other companions in the small hut where they spent the majority of their time.

When he returned later that day with his "present" Ren placed the small Bento container of Dumplings and Rice on the table where the computer always sat.

When Ai returned later that afternoon, she found the food waiting for her. Along with Hone and Ren; who sat in the room as well.

"Miss" Ren said nodding at the food "I picked that up for you earlier, thought you might like it." He said with a small grin.

Ai paused in her footsteps, as she glanced over at him.

Ren didn't expect an answer but, Surprisingly that's exactly what he got.

"Thank you." She said in her ever soft monotone.

"No problem miss, it was my pleasure." He smirked surprised that she even bothered to acknowledge the gesture let alone say something due to it.

Ai nodded as she sat down to eat.

Only when her back was turned; did Ren allow a real, small and definitely not asshole smile to creep over his face.


	2. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying!

Ren sat by his lonesome in the land of the eternal sunset that was his mistresses domain. Ren sighed he hated being alone, his companions were out, looking over a client for the little Miss. Ren would be the last one to admit it, but he truly hated isolation. Being alone gave him time to think, and Ren was not one to dwell on the past.

It was to painful.

It was true that he was a loner yes, but that didn't mean he wanted to be lonely. He knew that, for all the lies that he told about himself, that one was true. If he had truly wanted to be lonely, Ren would've never chosen to accept his mistresses offer of... of what? Servitude, duty? No... It wasn't that.

He still remembered her voice, low and soft all at once, saying

"Your searching for something."

And he remembered himself, so despite and haunted by his past saying,

"Yes, but will I find it by being with you?"

He knew that he had found companions in Hone Anna and in the rest of his little Miss's companions, but for all of what Ren had gained, he still knew that he was searching for something...

Someone.


	3. Perfection

There is no perfection in this world.

This thought ran through the mind of Enma Ai, who was by herself, back from the mortal world.

Relieved of her duties for the time being - Ai sat, her basket of cherries beside her.

The only perfection... Ai thought.

Is this...

Her solitude was perfection.

The time without duty is... Paradise.

Her thoughts were interrupted when, suddenly, she heard a sound coming from behind her.

It was her servant Ichimoku Ren.

She expected a message conceding business, but instead he merely smiled a her, his usual snarky demeanor lessened in her presence.

"Cherries again miss?" He smirked

She didn't respond

Ren didn't expect her to, but non the less, he sat down beside her.

The eternal sun made shadows dance over their faces, clouding their features in darkness.

Ai was mildly surprised at his appearance. They rarely saw each other outside of their mandatory interactions.

She didn't think to question his motives. She didn't want this spell of quiet to be broken by chit chat.

The two continued to sit quietly together, both miles away in their own thoughts - but at the same time, they were together, mistress and servant.

Nothing more, nothing less.


	4. Stone Heart

The client had completed the contract. The string was untied. This was a particularly difficult case. A young child. A girl not even out of babyhood. Her psychopathic brother, jealous at the birth of his sister.

Pitiful cries filled the boat as it moved closer to the gates of Hell.

Ichimoku Ren sits at the end of the boat - the infant laid in his lap, still to weak to sit up on her own.

Ren choices to ignore the cries. It isn't hard, he's done it before and will likely do it again.

Though those cries are not easy to hear...

As they neared the Tori gates entrance, Ren's eyes fell on his mistress cold face.

What he saw surprised him. If he hadn't been merely a few feet away from her he wouldn't have noticed. She was biting her bottom lip. A small action. Nothing that should be of any concern or speculation.

But nonetheless it worries him.

Though he doesn't know why it should.


	5. Ghosts

Ghosts are an ever constant fixture. Humans try to convince themselves of just the opposite, afraid of their own deaths and what exists beyond them.

It's funny really, just how much time Humans devote to avoiding the thought and taste of death.

Ai Enma doesn't understand why they all try so hard to avoid death.

Of course death is never an ending.

"It's just another beginning…" She whispers

She sits on a random rooftop in a mostly empty section of Okinawa, her features set in the ever present mask of coldness.

Humans believe that death means leaving, but no, death is staying - its ghosts that continue to haunt us.

"Mistress" Ichimoku Ren's voice, which Ai observes is more subdued than normal, interrupts her thoughts.

Ren approaches quietly so as not to overstep his position.

"We have a request…" His voice trails off as he glances at her face. Her expression shakes him.

It was very slight and wouldn't be noticeable unless you knew Enma Ai well. Or if not well, at least could read her face. Which Ren supposed, after all this time he could. Her face was tight, jaw clenched and eyes…

Ren is momentarily shocked

She looks so pained; almost as if she were going to cry or maybe scream. It was more than sadness, no her gaze seemed to burn into him with inhuman rage.

Ren stands motionless; he is completely out of his depth. He's sure that his terror shows and he doesn't try to hide it. For Ren is sure she can feel it.

His skin crawls as she steps into his personal space. The setting sun casts eerie shadows on Ai's face as he meets her piercing gaze.

"We have, all of us ghosts." Ai says with more intensity than he thought possible.

Ren stands still for another moment, before nodding slowly in agreement.

"I guess we all have our demons." he replies Shakely

Ai looks at him quizzically for a moment, but just as suddenly as she had come close. His mistress backs away - her sudden movement causing Ren to back up and stumble. He ends up quite literally, on his ass.

His mistress stands above him, watching as he tries to regain his composure. Slowly she offers Ren her hand. Reminding him of when they first met. Ren gratefully takes it, surprised even now, at her hidden strength.

Her hand is almost warm, as he holds it for a second too long.

Gently, yet firmly Ai pulls away from his uncertain hand.

"Come." Ai says softly

"We have a request."

Ren stands still for a long moment, shell-shocked as his mistress disappears to investigate the request.

He feels… odd to say the least. Ren hasn't felt any particular way for so many centuries, that he can't handle the sudden onslaught of…. emotion.

The only thing Ren can process or begin to comprehend is the startling, yet familiar comforting warmth of his mistress's hand in his own.


	6. Wonder

She raised her arms above her head, stretching her limbs, enjoying the way the muscles moved and that pleasantness that resulted from this simple action.

Pleasure isn't a luxury Enma Ai allows herself to have. The only exception to this was in the quiet, solitary moments when duty ceased and was replaced with well, a kind of peace.

Today was one of those rarest of days.

Ai sits quietly on the small porch of her home, almost tranquil in her stillness. Ai's guard is lowered, for once. Her features set into an indifferent mask. Although just beneath the ever present coldness, is softness. If someone were to look at her in this moment; they'd likely see a pair of quiet eyes; filled with something akin to happiness.

A presence invades her thoughts; Ai knows immodestly that it is Ichimoku Ren. She doesn't acknowledge his appearance, though she is confused. When days such as these occur, usually her servants would go off and leave her to her own devices. Ai prefers this and wonders why her servant is breaking routine.

Ren approaches hesitantly

"Miss" Ren says quietly as he sits beside her

Ai doesn't bother with a reply, but she nods in Ren's direction

"It's a nice night." Ren says awkwardly.

Ren doesn't know why he's returned here, it's not a usual practice for him. He can bet that Miss Ai is most likely confused as well. Despite this, Ren can't make himself leave. Strangely the quiet presence of his mistress is calming. This thought alone is a contradiction to everything his mistress stands for.

Maybe that's the reason Ren feels as though he is glowed to his spot. .

"Yes" Ai says hesitantly

Ren stays silent for several seconds; from the corner of Ai's eye she notices the occasional glance thrown her way. As the silence thickens Ai is left to consider his motives, but she decides not to question him.

A spell has been casted over them and neither servant nor mistress feels the need to break it.

After what feels like an eternity to both, the silence is broken by an unusually subdued Ren.

"What did you mean the other day, when you spoke of ghosts?"

Ren has never spoken so directly to his mistress before and it sends a shock through him. Her words have plagued him, since the incident happened. Ren's wanted to question his mistress, but is surprised that he has actually done it.

Well he waits for a reply, which he suspects won't come, the air suddenly chills and makes both internally shiver.

"Sorry" Ren apologizes quickly, fearing punishment

Surprisingly, after several minutes a soft voice answers him

"Memories" Enma Ai says in her melodious ever-present monotone, her statement so quiet that if the wind had started, her words would surely have been lost. Again, a strong breeze chills their hallow bones.

Ren watches concerned as his mistress seems to curl into herself. She looks suddenly tired, no not tired, but exhausted.

After several seconds have passed Ren carefully without touching her skin; drapes his jacket across Ai's shoulders.

"I guess it's not that nice of a night after all." Ren says forcing a rare smile

"You might consider going inside Miss, you don't want to catch a cold." Ren's tone is casual so as to avoid any awkwardness.

Thank you" Ai says after a few moments of hesitant silence

"It's my pleasure mistress."

As the sun continues to falsely set, Ren is surprised when, a while later, he feels the slightest weight against his side. He looks down to see that Ai has started to drifted off and in the process has accidentally leaned against him.

Ren dares not move, because for the time being, he is once again in contact with her warmth.

He is once again in contact with her.


	7. Fate

A dream that was it… that was all it was.

Ai woke up, shaking and sweating, heart pounding like a birds wings in flight. But how could her heart beat? She is dead; her body is only an illusion of life.

Her hand lifts to her chest; hoping that by some miracle of fate, the beating may be real.

Tucking her trembling fingers back against her side, Ai pushes the disappointment away and out.

She cannot, will not allow herself to consider any other path, but the one in which she is consigned to travel.

There is no other option, but this. No other choice; besides domination, which is not a choice at all.

Ai's small frame trembles as she stands. She's only wearing a thin under-robe and the breeze chills her bones and brings to mind thoughts of… of…

Emptiness

Darkness

Despair

…Dreams

Suddenly, quick flashes of dreams mixed with memories invade Ai's empty mind. Numbness and pain collide inside her deadened heart.

The cut…

The blood that fell

Her mother… screaming for mercy

Watching as her father was stabbed…

Over

And

Over

And

Over

And

Over

…

And

Him…

…

Too much!

Ai's mind screams in panic, but before she has time to react a familiar sound catches her attention.

The climb of the computer

Quietly, slowly she turns to the request.

What Ai reads shocks her back into the here and now.

"Ai, dear is everything alright?" An elderly voice intones

She hesitates only a moment before finding the words in the sudden torrent that are Ai's thoughts.

"Yes. Grandma"

Ai returns her attention once more to the computer and the message that she should be answering.

私たちは永遠に過去から実行することはできません。

Her face is a hard mask as she quickly denies the request.

…Denies the words


	8. Wind

She hates the wind, it causes her to shrink and wilt, like a small child.

Ai is not weak

She's alone for the time being. She sits beneath a tree in the eternal twilight; only Kikuri is about, but the girl is napping inside the small hut, so Ai's attention lingers.

Lingers on weakness…

Ai hates weakness

….From herself

Though, she enjoys it in others. Mostly she enjoys the fear, the anger, and most of all the hate.

Hate

Such a simple word; yet can put a name to Human sins.

To her Human sin

….

….

….

Their sin….

She allowed it

Had welcomed it even

Needed it

Alone and haunted, she had needed

Someone

So she allowed it

...

…..

彼女は彼を許可しました

…

彼女は風を殺すために望んでいます


	9. Allow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of abuse

It might have been months, maybe even years, since the… incident occurred.

If he was to think of it at all, Ren would only refer to it as that, any other word would be too casual.

He still couldn't understand it. It seemed to transpire out of thin air. Not in a million years would Ren have predicted it or thought it would ever happen.

As vulgar as he could be; Ren would never have initiated it, he had too much respect. Well at least in the case of Enma Ai.

No it had been her, she had been the one, he had been completely taken aback, his defenses, the attitude that he was so known for, shot down in a second. Just because her hand had caressed his arm, the touches like a moth's wings.

Ren's body froze as his eyes had observed the continued path of her hand, which traveled up his arm till it reached its destination, his cheek.

"Warm" Ren recalled her saying, voice ever soft, always deep in monotone.

He couldn't breathe.

Ren remembered the look of perverse curiosity that had tinged her Red eyes. He vividly felt the sudden fear that her look had caused him, fear and… desire - unknown to him until that moment.

He felt the sudden urge to kiss her, which left him just as surprised as her sudden interest in him, but he resisted the urge as he stared her down. Clearly, Ren wasn't the one in charge here.

He didn't mind though, he could guess at her reasoning.

She needed that control; she had never had any choice in anything, her former life or this "new" one.

Ren would never deny her any opportunity of power.

So he allowed it.


	10. Now

They avoided each other, had been for quite some time now.

Outside of their mandatory interactions, if they were to be in each other's company, any and all conversations and quick glances were classified as sterically business – though this was far from the truth, for both of them.

If Ren were to catch heralone, which was almost never, he would quickly evert his eyes from her penetrating gaze and mutter a lame excuse about checking in on a potential client in the mortal realm.

Ren never imagined he could be such a coward.

But…

He was frightened. And that fear, that sheer terror, came both from the realization that he was feeling emotions like he hadn't felt in decades and most of all…

Because of the way Ren was beginning to feel whenever he caught her Red eyes lingering on him.

How did he feel, anyways?

Ren couldn't tell

Was it a mix of his always present gratitude, along with a new found longing?

Or perhaps, was the feeling not a feeling at all, merely pure desire or lust?

Ren ponders these thoughts, as he sits lazily on the porch of the hut.

The eternal sunset land is vacant, except for the ever present spinner, her wheel ever turning. Ai is out, investigating a client, so Ren is free to doze, until her return that is.

Ren is suddenly jolted from his thoughts; no… sleep as he feels an all too familiar sense enter his consciousness.

Rather the "sense" is prescience and that prescience is in very close proximity.

Ren straightens up from his slumped position to face his mistress; who sits beside him.

When he finally glances up to meet her gaze, he's surprised to find that she is already watching him; a look Ren's never seen reflected in her eyes.

She looks like iron softness, untouchable and completely within reach, all at once.

He's never received a look like that before, from anyone.

"Time moves so slowly." Ai says ever quiet

"I sometimes forget that it moves."

Ren can't speak, the shock that she is speaking to him, is making his brain slow to a halt

"I suppose so…" Ren says back stupidly

Ren can see her begin to reply, but a sudden; shrill ding startles them both.

Ai stands quickly, a swirl of dark hair and pleaded skirt, the only traces that she had been there. Ren allows himself to slump, allows his expression to fall.

Suddenly, he smells the ever present scent of blossoms that always seems to cling to her skin.

Looking up, Ren sees her offered hand stretched out; an invitation.

Ren takes it, that thrill making its way up his arm as their hands connect.

"Come." Ai murmurs and Ren obeys without a word.

Neither mistress nor servant willing to acknowledge that their hands are still threaded, as they leave to contract the client.

The eternal summer breeze lingers heavy with words unspoken.


	11. Then

"Don't mess with me fool."

This insignificant human had tried to touch her, hurt her.

Not unusual, he was desperate to escape his hell bound fate, but though it shouldn't have, this human's actions had snapped something inside of her.

No not snapped, tore something open

A long deadened pocket of anger.

Rage

"Please! Stop!"

"It hurts…."

"For all the years this sacrifice has continued to live…"

"Without performing her duty as our Seventh Sending Maiden."

"The only punishment suitable for such a crime…"

Ai doesn't notice his presence until she hears him speak, voice controlled, but Ai can hear panic; laced through his seemingly calm voice.

"Oujo let him go." Ichimoku Ren says

"He's not worth it."

"Is thirteen purification cycles; so she will be cleansed for the God of the mountain."

"Show her no mercy."

She had been continually raped by thirteen different Men; over the course of seven days.

Half dead, she was then forced to watch her beloved parent's, as they were sliced into unrecognizable Human-like husks.

Blood soaked, dying and whaling pitifully, she had died, in a pit with only the rapidly decaying bodies of her parent's to keep her company.

Why…? You betrayed me…."

"I curse upon you, I curse upon you all!"

"From beyond this grave I curse you!"

"Oujo" Ren's voice invaded her thoughts once more.

Ai releases the man, from where she has his throat, gripped in her unnaturally strong hold.

The boat rocks slightly as the man slumps to the wooden floor, Ai soon follows, as she takes up her post at the head of the ferry. Ren she observes is seated at the rear; gaze intense on her.

She turns away from him, hands unsteadily working the oars once again.

"And so I consign this grievance to Hell."

闇….


	12. Dawn

No it wasn't lust, no not a respectful gratitude, and it certainly wasn't just childish affection.

As Ren watches his Miss absentmindedly toy with her collection of marbles, he realizes just how blind he's been, how much denial he's allowed himself to build.

Maybe he had always felt this way, but had never allowed himself to admit it, not at least until she had touched him, showed her emotions, in the only way she was able; without words.

She had started this chain reaction, now Ren was left a drift, lost in her strange spell.

Shit - He thought as he observes just how lovely she truly was, her hair a dark sheet against pale features.

Even just doing something normal and trivial, Ren thinks she is beautiful.

Dimmit

Ren was desperately and hopelessly, falling in love with her.

The joy that followed his internal admission was tainted with sudden dread, because Ren knows that he must never tell her.

Confessing such a thing could lead to reciprocated feelings, which would evidently lead to his Mistress's soul to be forever dammed to Hell.

Hell Girl wasn't allowed to feel, to show any type of emotion what so ever. That was especially true when speaking of love and hate.

He won't allow that, not after all the years of suffering she's had to endure.

He won't allow his feelings to get in the way of her eventual freedom.

Ren is abruptly pulled from his thoughts, when he here's a soft voice call his name.

"Ren would you…" Ai pauses for a moment before continuing "Bring that basket."

Ren is momentarily surprised by her use of his name in such an informal way, but he doesn't hesitate and quickly gathers her basket of Cherries, from the other end of the room. He brings them to her; carefully he puts the basket near her.

"I'll have to remember to bring you another kind of fruit; it must be boring, only eating the same things all the time." He says quietly, not really to her, because he doesn't expect a reply.

"Would you?" She asks

"S Sure-"he stutters "Of Couse."

"Now?" She whispers voice small and seeming unusually shy sounding.

"Yeah, no problem Miss, anything seem appealing?" Ren asks completely shocked and somewhat amused.

She looks momentarily unsure, her face puckered slightly; confusion evident in her Ruby gaze.

"Would you prefer to come along? So you can see the options?" Ren can't believe his words.

They are both momentarily silent, the air is warm and her gaze is a light blaze.

Ai nods slowly as she carefully rises to her feet, her marbles forgotten, strewn across the floor. His Mistress approaches quietly, slowing when she reaches his side. Carefully she moves her eyes up to his face.

"Ready?" She questions

"Sure, let's get going." Ren says quietly, his heart practically in his throat.

He wouldn't let himself give his feelings away...

He couldn't...

Ren feels the urge to take hold of her hand as they leave.

But he doesn't.


	13. Fruit

She asked for Strawberries

He bought her Strawberries, Blueberries,

Bananas and Grapes

Her gaze is intense when he appears from the market, the bag clutched in his hand, an impish grin spread across his handsome face.

"Here Ojou" He motions at the bag "A broad selection of choices."

"Ai"

"What?" Ren says momentarily surprised.

"Call me Ai."

"Ai" Ren corrects himself quickly; he doesn't give himself time to think of what her words could implicate or the way her name feels on his tongue.

He can't read her face; her expressions are too controlled, too checked to ever give anything away.

He isn't expecting what next transpires, it throws his guard off completely.

Ai reaches out, and puts her delicate hand against his cheek. Ren automatically leans into her touch.

"Thank you." Ai says her voice barely above a whisper.

Ren can't speak, his thoughts are muddled, and time has paused and stopped. Ren carefully takes the hand that is atop his face, and gently folds her fingers. He gently leans in and places a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"No problem Miss Ai." Ren mumbles as he gently releases her hand. He looks down to see a light blush spread across her face.

"Come" Ai says "We have a request."

"Of course, let's go home."


	14. Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline
> 
> Chapters 1 - 13 take place during, in between and after seasons 1 - 2.
> 
> Chapters 14 and beyond take place after season 3 and beyond. Later on may have mentions within S3 and 4, we'll see.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

She should have stopped it.

She should've made herself turn away when she had the chance.

But she couldn't

That was the real sin in all of this.

She couldn't, and wouldn't let herself turn away from him.

It had started so quietly and yet so quickly, that her long hidden emotions, and lack of experience, had kept her from resizing it sooner.

If she had seen it coming, she could have armed her heart, gated it off and kept her feelings at a distance.

But Ai didn't, and she couldn't.

Ai understands it, after it was already far too late.

That he loves her

And she him

She figured it out after she had already decided.

It started as a typical day, the mortal sky was a Grey sheet, snow was starting to fall and she was exceedingly restless. So she departed the eternal realm, instead opting for a rooftop, her usual area of choice, when she felt the need for solitude.

She sits alone, the rooftop her only companion, her thoughts a mess of dark questions with no possible answers. Ai ponders death, she wonders about the nearness of hers; if this suspended eternity will ever cease.

Her gaze is troubled and the gloomy day isn't helping her current mood. Her gaze is purposeless, fixed on nothing in particular. She can feel the frown growing on her face, she doesn't try to hide it.

Ai disregards the gentle flakes that fall, they only serve as reminders. Reminders of things better left forgotten. She shivers at the cold, but doesn't bother to protect herself from the chill of the day.

It doesn't matter anyways

"It's freezing up here Miss, might want to consider coming back, don't want to get sick." Ren says, appearing several paces away.

He'd been looking for an excuse to seek her out, but he couldn't find one. So, he decided to go and find her anyway.

"It doesn't matter." Ai says, voice deadpan

"It does ya' know." Ren replies, trying to stay casual, the concern he feels is instant, he's had time to adapt to the influx of emotion, that even her mere presence supplies him with.

Lately though, he's begun to feel the helplessness creep in. Ren still isn't used to seeing her; she had been gone for so long and appeared once more so suddenly, that since her return, he's found it hard to keep his cool around her.

Ren doesn't want to intrude, but he's missed the low cadence of her voice. He has the impression that lately, he's heard it less and less. He suspects the incident with Mikage Yuzuki has hit her hard. Ai had sacrificed herself for the girl, taking her place, so now she is eternally Hell's slave, with no hope of freedom.

Ren wonders if she's grieving, in her own way. He observes her back and the tenseness in her shoulders; she looks as if she's expecting a gun shot. He considers sitting with her, but by her current mood, he expects he'd just be rebuked.

Ren begins to retreat when she suddenly speaks up.

"Why does it matter?"

"Miss –"Ren begins to reply, but her voice stops him.

"Why do I matter to you?"

Ren can't speak, has he really been that transparent with his feelings? He thought he had been hiding it so well. He's an idiot, a fool; his other companions seemed completely unaware, but Ren could never be sure, they were good at keeping secrets. Ren thought he had been as well.

Apparently not

Ren carefully walks over to her, and gingerly sits beside her.

"You saved us, you gave us another chance, we're grateful to you…" Ren pauses for a second

"I'm grateful." He says quietly avoiding her question directly

A silence falls between them and Ren doesn't expect a reply, but after a few minutes, Ai turns to face him, her gaze suddenly fierce and intense

"Is that all?" Her voice is ever quiet, but Ren detects a note of something more, a melodious quality, almost akin to a purr.

A beat of silence, a pause in the universe, before with a bang the storm begins, the sparks ignite and the fire blazes to life. In what feels like seconds, they've moved to one another, their faces inches apart. The world seems to shrink in that moment, leaving them, if only for this short eternity; completely alone.

"No" Ren whispers, his voice low, exposed eye intent on her Red gaze.

The word has just barely escaped his lips when, suddenly, his confession is stolen, spirited away, overshadowed by his Mistresses sudden, yet hesitant kiss.

Ren is frozen for a split second, just as suddenly though, he unfreezes, reaching out to caress her face gently.

The kiss lasts for a few moments more, before Ai pulls back a few inches, just enough to regain her breath and some sense of control.

"Did that answer your question?" Ren smirks down at her, his thumb tracing her face lightly.

Ai seems to consider his words, sighs and leans into his touch.

She nods and lowers her gaze, cheeks a light pink.

"Good" Ren smiles softly, eyes unusually soft, as he gently brings her lips back to his own.

It was only after they pulled apart once more, that Ai feels the sudden, unexpected sting of tears on her face. She realized in an instant how she felt, about Ren. She loves him, had for a long time now.

She could never shut him out.

And that realization just caused her to cry harder, because with the sudden rush of joy, came a swift and unavoidable feeling of dreed. How would they be able to survive, with this new thing between them?

She doesn't know, but already Ai knows she'll do whatever is needed to keep him safe.

She vows it.


	15. Price

It was surprisingly easy for Ai to adjust, at least when she was referring to Ren.

Ai understandably, should have felt fear, a sense of insecurity, hopelessness but no, she was surprisingly calm and determined.

She would never shed tears again, as she had after their initial kiss, it was too risky. Ai is aware of the overwhelming danger her actions, could result in. She's aware, but regrets nothing.

Foolish, stupid, suicidal….

She knows all these truths

But ignoring her heart, the feelings buried inside, is impossible now.

It had always been so.

Humanity kept creeping in and guiding her to the truth, the compass, the conscious part of herself that persisted, even after she was no longer human.

She continues to be, despite her best efforts.

Such a sweet sort of pain, she feels as she watches him from the corner of her eye. She sits in the small hut, a dark center in a crimson flower, she folds origami cranes, while Ren and her other subordinates, discuss the current client probability of pulling the thread.

They've been careful not to draw suspicion, Ai acting as impassive as ever, only allowing an occasional look to pass between them, that is, at least, in the presence of the others…

Her thoughts are suddenly diverted when; a familiar chime invades the quiet conversation and gentle crinkle and fold of Origami paper.

This is the price for happiness.

She feels the dread settle over, like a cloud. With emotion came caring, a need to do right and wrong. The unfair cases, the truly innocent, caused those feelings to wreath up, and suffocate her. She wouldn't allow them to destroy her; she has a reason now for feeling, for embracing those feelings.

Accepting that, doesn't mean she still isn't pained or filled with guilt, whenever she condemned an innocent.

Their cries were agony to her now too sensitive heart.

It hurt…

"Miss…" Ren's voice prompts quietly, a reminder, and a comfort.

Ai hesitates only a moment, before slowly rising and walking to the computer. She feels that this will be an accepted case, even before she glances at the name.

"Come" Ai commands, in her always soft voice.

"We have a request."


	16. Stars

It was a nice night for spying.

Or rather "observing"

Same difference Ren supposes, snickering to himself, as he continues to periodically look in on their newest potential client. This one was particularly drawn out, the hatred was there – but the boy was hesitant, every night connecting to the Hell Correspondence and typing in a name, only to stop at the last second.

Over and over again

It was becoming increasingly annoying

"Cowards…" He mutters darkly

"We handle the dirty work; the fool could at least make up his mind to put in the request or not."

"True" A quiet voice commented from nearby.

Surprised, Ren looks to his left, where his Miss had suddenly appeared, in her ever-silent manner.

He can't help the small smile that seems to appear, uninvited, on his lips.

She looks…lovely, in her unassuming way, the night shadows making the rare Purples and Blues visible in her dark locks.

He's missed her presence; for so many weeks now, she had been flooded with requests. Consequently, there had been no time left for them to spend together. Now that Ren thought about it, the last time they had been alone together, was when he had confessed and she, in turn, had kissed him.

Ren wonders if now she feels hesitant or regretful now.

He doesn't ask though he very much wants to, rather he chooses to lean against the wall he'd been occupying, while spying on the client. Glancing up, Ren catches a glimpse of the night sky, of the stars.

They're beautiful, in an irritating sort of way. How could something so innocent looking, so impassive, be a part of such a horrible, unforgiving world?

"Ugly." Ai states, pulling Ren out of his thoughts; amused Ren glances down at her.

"Always one to see the glass half full, eh Miss?" He smirks.

"Naturally." She replies, a quiet note of something like humor in her ever gentle tone. This throwing a still smirking, Ren very much off guard.

She almost never spoke, hearing her voice period was a rarity, something to be appreciated, but for her to comment – with sarcasm of all things; unreliable, unheard of.

Ren can't help the thought that follows in his mind.

Was she trying her hand at… Flirting?

Couldn't be, but…

He knows the signs

Deciding to tease her back, the always snarky Ren replies

"Well if it's so unpleasant Miss, why bother with it? Why not go home?" Ren counters voice filled with a surprisingly genuine humor.

He waits, curious and just a bit uneasy for her response, to his smart ass quip.

After a minute of hesitant silence, Ren can sense rather than see her shoulders rise and fall – a shrug.

"Restlessness" Ai adds after a moment

"Ah I see." Ren responds, allowing the conversation to pitter off, better not to push it.

Soon enough a comfortable silence falls over them. The stars, an ugly, irritating beacon to brighten the night. No words pass between them, but that feels right, for whatever reason.

It's sometime later when Ren finds himself sitting on the dirty ground, back against the wall, with an arm wrapped protectively across Ai's thin shoulders. Her head rests, nestled against his own more broad shoulder.

She's fast asleep, seeming surprisingly peaceful, as deeply asleep as she is.

If Ren is grateful for anything in this cursed world, it would have to be for that.

She more than anyone else, deserves some much needed peace.


	17. Beauty

Ai sits on a bench in the Daikanyama shopping district, across the street from where she's placed herself, is a tiny boutique; where her newest client works. The girl's situation was unremarkable, despising her boss, a wretched Woman who found a sick pleasure in torturing her employee.

Unremarkable, yes, but she has no other clients at the moment, so her priorities are focused only on this boring case.

Summer is in full swing, the heat in Tokyo, is suffocating and causing her to feel quite uncomfortable. Though of course, the only outward sign of this is a slight pout to her mouth; nothing that could indicate her true feelings.

She gazes through the windows of the shop longingly, wishing to feel the cool air and to look at the pretty clothes. She isn't one for material items, but the colors and fabrics have stolen her attention.

She'd like to be pretty…

Her gaze is so focused on the shop, that she doesn't even notice Ren's presence, until he speaks up, pulling her from her thoughts.

"See something you like?" He questions, motioning to the boutique with a wave of his hand.

Shrugging Ai glances at him quickly, and then returns her gaze to the shop.

After a minute, she raises a hand and points at one of the dresses displayed in the window. It was cream colored, with mid length sleeves and beautifully simple.

Her eyes lingered on it, admiring the shape with a hungry gaze.

"I'd like to be pretty." Ai murmurs quietly, not expecting any sort of reply. She said it because it was true, she was just stating facts.

Suddenly, Ren gets up, startling Ai out of her trance. He quickly started to walk away, but turned back to face her.

"You have nothing to worry about, ya know." Ren says

"You are pretty."

"More than pretty, actually…" He whispers quietly, as he walks once again towards the shop - leaving a now blushing Ai to ponder his words.

Entering the store, Ren feels the awkwardness settle in quickly, too many cheerful sale girls for his taste. Right on cue, a group comes bustling over, all of them with big grins and flirty domineers. All asking what they can do for him.

Barely able to hold back his smirk, Ren puts on his most charming of acts, grinning and sweet talking his way into purchasing the dress for half price. Maybe he should have felt bad, but his main occupation didn't offer very many benefits.

Emerging a few minutes later, with the dress and several scribbled phone numbers, Ren made his way over to his Miss, who was still seated on the bench.

Before reaching her however, Ren threw the scribbled numbers into the waste bin nearby, being deliberately slow, so that Ai would be sure to notice.

Sitting down beside her, Ren offers her the bag, smiling at her surprised expression and trembling fingers, which eagerly sought the contents of the bag.

Glancing up at him quickly, a pink cheeked Ai reaches out to carefully touch is hand - an unusual gesture, especially in such a public manner.

"Thank you." She whispers, gaze soft.

"But… why?" Ai asks seriously

"Cause… Well, you know that you're beautiful right? You have to know that!" He grinned down at her.

She was completely taken aback by his bold words, the shyness was beginning to blossom within her, but she fought it back, choosing instead to lean in and place a gentle kiss against his surprised lips.

Ren wants so many things in that moment, but before he can act on any of them, she is simply gone, vanished into thin air – the only sign of her presence, the still slight tingling that remained on his mouth.

Smiling slightly, Ren sat back on the bench, taking up where his Miss had left off.

It really was a hot day out…


	18. Realization

She sits in front of the mirror, eyes fixated on the figure reflected back at her.

Ai doesn't recognize herself, this girl looked brighter somehow; the paleness of the dress contrasting beautifully with her dark hair and eyes.

The fabric was loose, but it managed to show off the gentle curves of the girl's legs and waste – while still being relatively conservative.

Standing, Ai turns to examine her profile, and is surprised at what appears to be the existence of breasts, which the dress suitably enthuses.

When did that happen? She ponders.

She knows of course, Ai isn't naïve; ignorance was a luxury she couldn't afford in her line of work.

Still…

She can't help, but be surprised.

She'd never considered her appearance before now, she would have assumed however, that her features would be unattractive – to dark, to scary, to ever be considered pretty.

Here and now though, she doesn't feel ugly.

She feels beautiful.

Something akin to happiness fills her chest as she continues to stare.

And someone else thinks so too. The thought passes through Ai's mind, causing her to smile softly.

Ridiculous all of this, but she can't hide her grin.

Foolish...

So idiotic…


	19. Greif

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post S2 pre S3.

She was gone.

After all this time, the reality was only just starting to hit him.

His Miss was dead.

And he would never see her again…

She'd given him a chance at life, at making his own choices, an undeserved one at that, she'd saved him.

But when she needed to be saved all he could do was just stand by and watch. He could have done something, interfered in some way, but no, he couldn't, he didn't.

Grief hits at the strangest times; months, years after the fact, only now was Ren feeling the weight of her loss.

And that loss hurt, more than any Hell fire ever could.

Memories, moments, coming back, suddenly, her face is all he can see; the beauty, the wise eyes that could always tell the difference between truth and lies.

Ren never could do that.

With her face in his thoughts, clouding out everything else; Ren doesn't register the tears, until a sudden sob warms its way out of his mouth.

Face in hands, he allows himself to break – finally.

He's never allowed himself to do that before, not really. But now, there's no point in holding back.

Why not?

He has nothing to loss.

His chest ached…

His heart felt like a bolder, crushing him into bits.

Ai… Ai I miss you, I'm so sorry…

Ren knows of course, that his anger, his self-loathing, is useless. Fate is unavoidable, it can't be stopped. He knows that Ai herself would be the first one to agree.

But still…

He can't stop his feelings.

He doesn't want to. His Miss had awakened something within him, and despite the overwhelming pain that came from thinking of her, Ren wouldn't allow himself to be a coward.

He'd done that already once before.

Not now.

He could honor her by living with his decisions, by facing the pain, and not letting it destroy him.

He'd live for her.

He vowed it.


	20. Opening Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have no mouth, and I must scream…"
> 
> Harlan Ellison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic depictions of Rape/Abuse.

When had it started?

Ai doesn't know the answer to her internal question, but as she watches his concerned gaze, focused so intensely on her, she feels an intense need to figure it out.

For him, for her? Ai doesn't know

Everything had been fine, more than fine actually – she had been happy, in her way. More happy then she had ever been.

She – Ai, had felt comfortable and in control with all of it, Ren being the "it" in all of it.

But, as they grew closer, as their kisses lingered, and her heart became more enthralled with him, the memories suddenly began rising up once more. Like vengeful spirits, they arrived and started to destroy her, with an intensity that took her breath away.

It surprised her, how much pain mere remembrances could inflict.

Sections of time she doesn't even remember happening flashed through her thoughts. Painful moments; of Men atop her, holding her down roughly, her skin chafing away from her constant struggle, against the tightly tied ropes that held her; ever-slowly demolishing her trust in humanity piece by broken piece, as they seemed to enjoy her never-ending agony.

And as the memories fled back, so too did her initial fear of trusting in someone, in needing someone and in allowing her heart to be tampered with.

Had that terror ever really gone away?

It wasn't Ren, this had nothing to do with him, the rational part of her knows this truth, but the injured, helpless, angry, part of her, refused to see the logic.

So she started to pull away, to avoid his gaze, back away from his touch, and create a divide that would drive him away from her.

Because she couldn't be hurt again, she'd be left with only despair, she wouldn't be able to hate him; and that realization caused her to panic, because what else did she have, but hatred?

Nothing, she would be nothing.

Head spinning, thoughts colliding, she feels as if she may drown…

His hesitant touch to her trembling fingers stops the flood inside her from overflowing.

Why is it that he always seems to keep her from going too far?

"Please" he whispers, desperation tinging his usually care free voice.

"What did I do?" He sounds hurt

Ai can't bear the words…

"Ai…" Her name passing his lips, pain lacing the vowels

She can't bear the sound…

"it – it isn't" She can't form the words, they are clogging her mouth, choking her, causing her throat to close.

"You…" Ai finishes

"Then" Ren continues after a moment of silence, leaning down to meet her gaze.

"What is it? What happened?" He says quietly

What happened? The words play over and over again in her thoughts.

Everything happened, my death, his betrayal, my life…

"Rape"

The word falls from her lips, a quiet, simple, phrase, whispered, and so full of meaning.

What?"

Ren replies, obviously not comprehending

"Rape"

Saying it once more makes it feel more real…

"Ai…"

He looks…. Haunted

"They raped me."

She feels oddly relieved that she's finally managed to speak the truth

"Who?"

She can't possibly say aloud all the words he needs to hear

But he needs to know, he needs to understand…

Because she can't avoid him anymore, even trying was a lost effort. She cares too much for him now to drive him away.

Hadn't she tried that once before?

It had failed then

And it had failed now

Though hating him was the right thing to do.

But…

She can't truly hate what she so dearly loves.

No matter how much she's tried.

Instead of replying, Ai slowly, so as not to alarm him, moves into his space. Reaching up to gently caress his face, she leans in, pressing her lips to his.

A kiss

With a story to tell

Images, flashes of memory, suddenly invade Ren's mind, not his own, but, hers.

Ren expects the worst right off the bat, but no, she shows him small, trivial things.

Flash: Cupped tiny hands, holding a ladybug, the tickle of its wings; causing a small giggle to escape her lips. Ai is young here, maybe only 2.

Flash: A Woman, Ai's mother perhaps, smiling down at her, as she runs a comb through her hair, she feels so safe, like nothing can hurt her, Ren guesses she's around 4 now.

Flash: A young boy sits next to her, a waterfall creating a sense of serenity all around them, they are stacking stones, one after another, until as if by magic, the pile has transformed into a perfect triangle like shape.

As Ai glances up at the boy shyly, a blush evident on her face, Ren has a sudden realization, as he watches her expression. He recognizes that look, because it's something akin to how she sometimes looks at him.

Like he's worth her time

So her first love then? A best friend?

A combination of all these things and he suspects, even more.

He knows of this boy, of course, the one who had betrayed her, the cause of her demise and resulting rage. He knows, but the past wasn't something that they liked to talk about, to painful. And pain, well, that is the last thing he wants her to feel.

But, he doesn't really know the extent, the details of what happened to her. For his part, Ren hadn't thought they would need to discuss it, though now, he realizes that, obviously everything with regards to her is important and necessary to know.

The past is what makes us who we are.

Ren wants to know her.

Sentaro

The name suddenly flows through his consciousness, weather from her or from his own recollections, he doesn't know.

A sudden, violent, tremble from her brings him temporarily back to reality, to the here and now.

Reaching out, gently, he takes her hand; allowing as he does, for their fingers to intertwine.

Her hand is so small; compared to his own

"You don't need to go on..."

A quiet sigh escapes her lips

"Yes, I do…"

Gripping his hand, she once more leans in, to press a fierce kiss to his lips.

Flash: Ai's face is reflected in a ponds surface, her eyes are wide, a deep Chocolate color that reflects her quiet nature.

She has a fresh bruise on her face, older ones scattered here and there, all over the exposed skin of her legs and arms. The simple cotton robe she wears, doesn't do a great job at hiding the signs of abuse.

She looks about 5 or 6

"Who did that to you!?" The slightly older boy, Sentaro, asks, face filled with anger

"Was it Koukichi?"

Ai can't speak, tears are falling, marring her reflection in the ponds natural mirror.

She nods

"That bastard!" He runs off, leaving a staring Ai behind.

Flash: Whispered voices, a conversation she wasn't meant to hear. She was supposed to be asleep.

"They won't…"

"But, what if…"

"How do you know?"

"They…"

"You can't know that, they exclude her, they hate her, and they think she's a devil, an evil spirit."

"With all that, how can you say they won't try to…"

"What are we going to do…"

"I… I don't know."

That was the first time she felt unsafe in her own home, because if her parent's couldn't protect her, then who could?"

Ren then see's what happens next in quick succession. Her village sacrificing her to the mountain God, her parent's asking for Sentaro's help, and his agreement. So much fear, so much sadness.

Flash: I'll always protect you."

"Hm?"

I always will."

"Really?"

"Always"

Carefully, she leans her head against his shoulder, the moon is so bright, and it makes the shrine she's been forced to hide out in for the last 5 years, feel like a home, a safe area, if only for this moment.

Flash: What have you done!?"

"Look at what your selfishness has cost the village!"

"Did you ever think about how our village is starving to death?"

"Ai, what a girl you are!"

"Unforgivable!"

All she could feel was terror….

"Run away!"

"Get her!" "Don't let her get away!"

"Run!"

She didn't get far…

Flash: She was being dragged, pulled, away from her parent's. She was trying to struggle, but the hands that held her were to strong, too much, for her to even try and break free from.

Besides, her hands were tied, so even if she managed to break away from her captors, she wouldn't get far before they eventually caught her.

Landing roughly, she finds herself in an empty hut, used mostly for storage.

She lies on the floor, every part of her hurts…

The Men, her former people, family members, loomed over her. They were smiling… smiling of all things. They looked at her like she was a mouse and they were all cats – waiting to devour her.

She feels as though she was going to be sick…

"You heard the Priest, "Seven Purification Cycles" The man, her father's former friend, said slyly

"Get to it"

"Show her no mercy."

Ren can't stand what she shows him next.

Flash: Her ceremonial robe was torn from her body, panic took over and she tried kicking and screaming, she was promptly held down and gagged.

The first Man, the friend of her father's, began to touch her. His hands ran up and down her body, caressing at her breasts, her hips, her inner thighs.

Roughly he pulls her legs apart, causing her to scream through the cloth that was stuffed in her mouth.

His hand whipped out and slapped her hard across the face

"Shut up you bitch!"

Pushing into her, invading her body, he grinned as his movements picked up and his breathing increased.

She was completely paralyzed…

After a few minutes that feel like an eternity, his movements calm and he eventually stops, groaning above her.

He exited her body, blood gushing down her thighs.

Then he left, without another word to her.

Flash: It kept happening…

Over and over

She had stopped fighting, after it happened for the fourth time

She stopped caring after the fifth time

Her fear disappeared after the sixth time

And her faith in humanity left after the seventh time

And a question remained

Where was Sentaro?

She needed him…

He was the only thing keeping her from completely letting go…

Flash: They untied her arms and legs; the skin where the ropes had been was bloody and torn.

Why had they done that?

She could run now…

She could find him…

On shaky arms, Ai pushes herself up, the action taking what feels like an eternity to her.

She's just managed to sit up, when a sudden pain deep in her abdomen, causes her to slump, once more, to the dirt packed ground.

Blood once again dripping to the floor from between her legs

She tries once more, twice more, a third and fourth time

She's only managed to drag herself a few feet in the direction of the door

She feels so dizzy; the world around her is spinning

Nausea suddenly takes over and she promptly vomits, the disgusting mess getting in her hair, and all over her body.

It was another cruelty, the men weren't stupid, and they'd intentionally freed her; because they knew she'd never be able to run, to even get to the door.

She was so angry…

And at the same time so numb…

She hated them; she wanted them all to die.

As the world began to darken around her, Ai could only think of death, and how much she wanted it to consume her, to devour everything and everyone.

Flash: They threw her in a pit, praying to their mountain God to come and save them.

She lies on a pile of body parts, her parent's remains

How is she still alive?

Sentaro, her best friend, the only person who had been there for her, who promised to always protect her; had betrayed her

He cast the first stones, he, her hero, had sacrificed her, in order to save his and everyone else's skins.

Hadn't he loved her at all?

"You promised you'd always protect me."

"I trusted you…"

"I trusted you!"

She hated them all, wished them all to burn in Hell

I'll make them pay; I'll make them all pay!

She wanted to be the one to make them burn…

"I curse upon you; I curse upon you all…"

"From beyond this grave I curse you!"

She's shaking so hard, Ren's arms, so tight around her, are the only things keeping her upright.

He's stroking her hair, trying to calm her.

The only time Ren's seen her so hysterical was when she was attacking the Shibata's. She was completely absent of her usual composure.

Only this felt more personal; it was so much more personal, she was showing him her weakness, her vulnerability, her utmost pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He keeps repeating the words, hoping that she'll hear him and come back from wherever she's gone.

It seems to have an effect, after a few minutes or so.

She curls up against him, tucking her head into his shoulder.

She's ended up in his lap; her arms clutching him to her.

She's never been this close to him; Ai wonders if she should be feeling this safe, after what she just showed him, she expected to be more averse to physical contact.

More… averse to him

But no

Ai feels surprisingly at ease, like a weight has been lifted from her mind, like she has resolved something within herself.

They were wrong.

They had always been wrong.

Everything that was done to her was utterly putrid.

She had destroyed so many lives in taking revenge; some deserved it, and others did not.

But, Ai can't find it in herself to regret the choice she made.

She can't find it in herself to forgive them or him.

She feels okay about that though, which shocks her.

The guilt, her self-loathing; has fled, leaving her feeling light

A sin, yes, unforgivable, absolutely

Ai can't find enough resolve to care anymore though.

They were wrong

And she had been right, she'd haply accept her punishment, but she would never repent or regret – never.

She opens her eyes

He's there to meet her

He was always there for her, had been there, and would continue to be there.

Ren isn't Sentaro; there was no comparison between them.

The sudden clarity helps her see, that despite everything, she still loves her long lost friend, under all the layers of hatred, was still the little girl who believed that her cousin would always be there to protect her.

But that little girl was dead and so was her cousin, many times over.

Dead and gone

A quick slash of grief…

But as it passed, Ai realizes something important.

She wasn't left adrift

She isn't alone

Slowly, she leans in; gently she presses her lips to his, a kiss, as soft as butterfly wings.

The words flow through Ren's mind, as clear as if she had spoken aloud; yet so quiet, that any sound at all could carry them away.

わたしは, あなたを愛しています.

I love you…

Ren doesn't hesitate, the words have been there, caught in his throat, threatening to slip out, for so long now.

He's so relieved to finally say them back to her.

"As I love you"

They stopped for a moment, simply looking at each other, as if they were seeing the face of God.

A kind of paradise, in the midst of a living Hell

So bittersweet

They couldn't ask for more.


	21. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me with your actions.  
> Speak to me through your hands in my hair, and mouth on my lips.  
> Show me how you really feel with you pressed against me, with nothing, not even these useless words, between us."
> 
> N. Hardy

His arms were around her in what felt like mere seconds; her own quickly reaching for him in turn.

They were finally alone.

He had been away for so long, the client waiting around seven months to decide if she should pull the thread.

Usually, she – Ai, wouldn't allow such a lengthy amount of time to pass, before she stopped the case altogether. There were many others who had grievances, and ones that would be over with swiftly. But she decided to wait, something about the client – a young girl, Cho, intrigued her.

Her hatred was pure, that was the only way Ai could describe it. Steady dark gaze, hair jet black, skin olive; this child reminded her of innocence. Her circumstances were wretched; an abusive mother, a father who cared, but who couldn't care enough to try and help, and an infant brother; who the girl loved fiercely, so much so, as to resemble a mother's devotion.

So immense was her love that it had given birth to hate; for her mother, who threatened and mistreated her son and daughter to the point of near death.

Ai had expected the child to go through with the contract very quickly, but to her surprise, the girl had tried, really tried, to get help from others. She contacted the police; which led to an investigation of the family, and eventual referral to the child welfare services department, of the police force in her region.

Ai, for the first time in a long time, had begun to think that the case would end in justice.

She was mistaken.

Really, it might have played out that way, if the girl hadn't been forced to make the choice, leaving her to decide in a matter of seconds. The mother, crazed from too many prescription drugs and an adrenaline rush from beating her children, had taken a knife to the baby's throat.

The girl hadn't the strength to move, overcome with what appeared to be dizziness, from the intense abusive acts inflicted on her prior. But she had him, her doll, and when she was made to choose between her brother and her own life, her own soul – she picked her beloved sibling.

Not the ending Ai had wished for, but, one that she respected, and in a similar situation, a choice she would have likely made herself.

Cho was saved, and not, all at once.

It had been a hard case, for all of them.

But especially for Ren and herself, since he was a constant observer of the family, and her, because of the strong sense of connection she had felt with the child.

They were both grateful for it to over.

It was jarring to them both; to be separated so long from each other.

They hadn't been apart for an extended period of time, at least since before they had started this relationship, which had changed everything, so completely.

Ai hadn't thought his absence would be an issue; she had been without him before, for much longer than a few short months.

But that was before

And now…

It had started slowly, the loneliness, the feeling of something missing. She hadn't recognized the reactions; because she had never felt such emotions before. Maybe as a Human, but that was so long ago, and so repressed, that she couldn't recall ever feeling such an intense amount of longing for someone.

But as she grew to expect how she felt, and the time without him stretched on, her longing only seemed to increase.

She needed him

Such a Human weakness, but she couldn't deny that it was so.

She missed him deeply; all his snarky comments, the chatter that could fill up a room and make her listen, his devilish smile which always caused butterflies to swirl in her stomach, his hand that held her own small one so confidently, the security that she felt with him whenever his arms would wrap around her frame, his eyes, his face…

Everything…

It made her feel so small.

She felt as though she had woken from a wonderful, impossible dream; and now was back in a reality which she was now sure she couldn't face alone.

She played with her marbles, folded Origami, piled rocks by the waterfall, ate her Cherries – all the things she used to enjoy, but now, they held no interest for her. Or rather, she was too preoccupied to really care for the activities; so mundane, so tedious, were these normal, everyday things.

Desire

It invaded her every thought, her every action.

And now here he was, pressed so closely against her tiny frame.

She likes him like this, under her hands.

They hadn't the time to reconnect right away, they had to carry out the girl's vengeance, and then Ai was busy, bringing the boat to the world of the dammed.

Then immediately after the whole ordeal was done, a new client had sent a request, leaving her no choice, but to accept it. Yamawaro was to assist this time around, despite Kikuri's constant insistence that this not be done.

The group made their way to investigate this new case; this city's "Obon" festival was in full swing, Men, Women, and Children all sported summer Yukata; the colors echoing the deep Auburns, Russets and Greens of the earth; reflecting the eventuality of all Human lives, an endless cycle of life and death.

Venders sold their goods, children ran about, as the adults kept one eye on them, and another on their cups of Sake. Lantern light cast shadows, both from the river, where the paper squares floated along, names of beloved family members who had passed, written in neat calligraphy on the frail paper sides.

Music wafted from speakers hidden conspicuously nearby in trees, the volume lowered to evoke a sense of peace amongst the crowds. A familiar song played, Shinran Ondo, enhancing the traditional feel of the festival.

It was all very lovely.

The souls would soon return to their place in the Afterworld, weather Hell or Heaven, it was the order of things, and how everything must be. The river that pulled them ever closer to their fates made that even more apparent.

On any other night this thought would be morbid and depressing, but, on a night set aside for joyfulness, the ever turning wheel of fate was something to be appreciated and valued.

"The Red string of fate" the phrase wafts through Ai's thoughts as she glances over sideways at Ren.

He stands by the river, watching the lanterns float by. He looks so handsome, the Blue of his Yukata bringing out his dark hair and skin, making his unusual Green gaze that much more noticeable, because of the dark color and pattern.

She could never compare, the deep Purple Yukata with White Lilies and butterflies scattered across, made her feel young and plane next to him.

He is so beautiful…

And he is hers.

A sudden breeze makes her shiver, though; it wasn't just the cold that caused her to tremble so.

She felt as though she had been struck across the face.

She wants him

Love and desire; she felt both of these emotions intensely, and all at once.

She hadn't noticed it yet, but now, as she truly acknowledged the truth of her feelings, the past weeks and months without him became very clear.

An unfamiliar ache low in her body, whenever she thought about him for a long time, followed by her feeling shaky and out of breath, though she had done nothing besides allowing her thoughts to roam.

This became a regular occurrence, as the weeks passed without a closure of the case, and each time became more intense; the unfamiliar craving that she had no name for, never being met.

Cheeks blushing Scarlet, Ai feels a flood of embarrassment envelop her.

Hands clenching into tiny fists, she looks away from him quickly.

Longing, a different kind then before

It was purely Carnal in essence.

That was the answer she had been looking for, a phrase to explain the unending tension trapped within her body.

Did he have similar desires?

Did he want her in the same way she wanted him?

These questions passed through her mind in quick succession, all ending on one core thought.

She needed to touch him, and in turn, be touched.

She licked her lips

She wasn't afraid anymore, after she had told him of her past, and he in turn had been nothing, but understanding and supportive towards her. Her fear of dependency, of physical intimacy, of loving someone, dulled.

After her recounting, they had spent much time on trying to talk to each other; Learning how to share their emotions, on learning to care for each other, on a very emotional level.

She learned how to read his moods, how to get him to confide in her, on how to comfort him.

If he was quiet, if he seemed removed, agitated or restless; that became an indication for her to approach or even to just let him be. He was interesting, in that sometimes he seemed to want nothing more than to be held, to be in close proximity to her, to talk to her about his concerns or something that had upset him.

While other times he was distant and would avoid everything and everyone. He needed that space to clear his head, to come to a place of understanding within himself, to clean the wound that had been re-opened.

She understood the differing needs.

Because she had similar reactions to upsetting or disturbing situations

It wasn't just her though; he had also grown quite attentive to her moods

A glazed over expression, an unfocused gaze, times where she would wake from horrifying dreams, screaming and in a state of panic, and general moodiness were all signs that he now seemed to recognize as warning signals, for him to come to her.

She could be set off by the most trivial of things; a falling blossom petal, a heavy rain storm, anything really.

Hard to predict, she knows, would be the understatement of the century, when used to describe her.

Ai knows she hasn't made it easy for him, if he could be distant and quiet, she could be non-responsive to any and every effort made by him. It could take her hours, days, and sometimes weeks to find her inner peace and come back from whatever had affected her so.

It frustrated him; she could see that in his face, whenever she would come back to him.

She knows that the frustration isn't with her, but more routed in the fact that sometimes, he couldn't find ways to help her.

He had said as much one time, when the fog had lifted from her mind and she had sought him out, in need of his touch and affection.

He'd held her close, as a few stray tears escaped her eyes

"I wish I knew how to help you." He'd whispered in her ear, after her initial crying jag had calmed.

She made a conscious effort to reply, having avoided any talk for so many days now.

"You… don't need to." She paused for a moment

"I'm just glad that you're here now." She berried her face in the fabric of his shirt, breathing in his scent.

She hoped he understood, what she had been trying to convey, in so few words.

I'm sorry I'm sad, constantly depressed, forever angry, haunted and unable to confide in you the same way you have learned to talk with me; I don't know how to say how I feel, I want to, but I just can't sometimes. I love that you're here for me even when I completely disregard you, I love that you never stop caring and trying; even though I don't deserve any of it.

Maybe he had understood, because moving forward the look of anguish faded somewhat from him, whenever she would disappear into herself.

She loved him for it.

Back in the here and now, with her mind so consumed with thoughts of him, she had failed to notice that the beloved in question, had his gaze trained on her downcast head and heated cheeks; a look of confusion spread over his handsome face.

What was going on? He had never seen her look so self-conscious, so unlike her confident self.

Ren eyed her fully then; not caring at the looks he was receiving from the surrounding Humans.

Her hands were clenched at her sides, statue still, looking as taught as a bow. He would have been amused if it had been anyone else but her.

A smirk played across his face, as the realization hit him like a punch to the gut; in that same moment, her head finally raised, bloody gaze meeting his own bright one.

Oh, he knew that look alright

He'd seen it a thousand times before, on so many faces

But never hers

His heart seemed to skip a beat

For she is his

"... For let not light see my black and deep desires."

The two maybe three seconds of locked eyes that followed, felt like an eternity to them, more intimate, then anything they had shared thus far.

"I'll follow thee and make a Heaven of Hell…"

At the same time, they moved to each other; the once firm boundaries between them removed completely.

Before he could even ask the question she had already seemed to answer. Her back was to him as she began to walk away, but several feet behind her he followed, entranced, something akin to magnetic energy, making it impossible for him to not continue to follow her slowly retreating form.

On the opposite end of the river bank, walking away hand in hand was the couple they had come here to investigate. They looked untroubled, a weight lifted from around them, something pure emerging.

And right in the middle, at a crossroads, were Hone, Wanyuudou, and Kikuri.

With a slight wave of his hand, the old wise Man motioned at his remaining companions to follow, leading them in the direction of their current clients; much to the consternation and annoyance of Hone and Kikuri.

"Leave them be." He orders quietly of Kikuri, who makes an effort to follow the retreating backs of Ai and Ren. He promptly scooped up her wriggling form across his shoulder, keeping her secure there, while they also disappeared into the night.

The air had an odd static quality as "Mistress" and "Servant" made their way into the blackness of late night. The moon was full, bathing them in a silver glow.

Both illuminating and hiding them

A perfect night for lovers

Ren wanted nothing more than to stop her ever moving feet; to hold her close, to kiss her deeply, but he decides to wait for her, to let her come to him.

He forgets sometimes, that in many ways, she was still very childlike.

After several minutes more, she finally comes to a standstill, so suddenly, that Ren almost mows her down.

Automatically, he reaches out to stop her from falling, his hands holding her waste securely.

"Gomen'nasai" He quickly apologizes, trying unsuccessfully to hide his grin.

Her eyes are meeting his now, he may be mistaken, but he senses a note of humor as she quietly responds.

"So formal?" Ai murmurs, warmth reflected in her gaze that he's only seen a few times before.

He can't speak, he feels as if something is caught in his throat.

He's missed her

A pause

Then their arms were around each other, needing nothing more than to hold the other close.

After what felt like an eternity, he hears her whispering into the air between them.

"I missed you."

Clutching her closer still Ren replies

"Well, that's good to hear, cause…" He pauses

"I missed you too."

"So much"

Reaching for her, Ren caresses her face, re-memorizing the shape.

They are only a few inches apart now, Ai wants so badly to kiss him, her mind is fuzzy, she can't think straight, but her propriety and sense of being exposed in public, stops her - well momentarily.

Taking his hand in hers, Ai gently tugs him along, keeping them moving forward.

And now here they are, her back pressed snugly against the shrine wall that they had stopped at, and his arms that once again held her close.

They kiss with abandonment, with pure recklessness, whispered words falling between them; usually kept so hidden, only showing through weighted gazes and so few words.

Now they were free, for a time, to openly express them.

It was a kind of paradise.

Not a soul was about and they were finally alone.

She couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

The dark was a thick blanket, allowing the unallowable.

Sin

The moon watched….


	22. Reflecting

Not so superior now, huh?

"What?" Ren questions, mind coming back to the here and now.

They're sitting together on the pouch, the ever present sun making them both squint slightly.

Ai is off investigating a client, seeming more interested or rather more concerned than usual.

Neither of them questions it; knowing her, there was most likely a reason for her curiously.

There always was.

So they had ended up back in the eternal land; Hone having no reason to stay in the mortal world and Ren, well because he could tell that Ai was bothered by the case, and rather than wanting company or comfort, she seemed to favor solitude at the moment, to confront whatever was upsetting her.

Ren understands that, so instead of pushing, he gives her space, letting her be.

Anna looks exasperated as she crosses one leg over the other, leaning against the porch beam.

"I said, not so superior now, are you?"

He looks confused

"About what exactly?" Ren questions

Sighing she says

"We know, ya know?"

He seemed to pause for a moment, and then glancing away he mutters.

"About what?"

"Oh come on!" Anna complained

"Do I really have to spell it out for you? We all know, have known for a while now."

Ren looks ready to deny it, but after a moment of her wise gaze piercing him, he finally laments.

"And...?" He says, voice cool, though inside he feels anything but.

"And I think it's hilarious."

Ren can't speak, out of all the word choices, hilarious wouldn't be the one that would ever occur to him.

"I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this, but why?"

"Because…" she laughs lightly

"Out of all the people in the world for you to fall in love with; you choose the one that is the most untamable, the most unlikely and the one who is, no offense to the Miss, but the worst decision possible."

He looks dumb founded for a moment, but manages to put his expression back together quickly.

"I mean I wouldn't call it a "choice" it wasn't, that's not how it works."

Hone rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." She mutters

"So..." He questions once more.

"Why bring this up now?"

She shrugs

"I guess I just wanted to let you know that we're all in on your little "secret." And that your both are being idiotic, to say the least. And that you better not hurt her or do something stupid or I will personally strangle you with my bare hands, and well that...

She pauses for a moment.

"That I'm happy for you, for you both."

For once he can't think of anything sly to say back.

Instead opting for sincerity, he replies.

"Thanks, I guess."

Smirking slightly, Anna leans her head against the beam, eyes fluttering closed as she replies smoothly.

"No problem."

A moment of comfortable silence passes between them before Ren pipes up again.

"Wait, so why am I not so superior again? Explain please. Cause, I don't really see how." He retorts

"Cause, you just seem to... Care more, about stuff, about people, these days."

"I don't..." He begins to reply, but her voice interrupts him.

"Wait, let me finish!" She barks

"It's not just the Miss, though obviously, she seems to be the biggest direct recipient and influence for your change."

"No…" she shakes her head

"Haven't you noticed?"

"You just seen to... Care so much more, about everything." Her face puckered, in deep thought.

"You don't try to hide that you care, and that you care deeply."

"You may not see it, but it's there. You watch clients differently now, you seem to take their hardships much more seriously, much more personally, then ever before."

Is it..." She questioned, not really at him, more as if she was asking a soulless object, something that wouldn't reply or give an opinion.

"That you have more of those Human feelings and desires now? Something that you never really had until becoming involved with the Miss, that is."

"Or is it that you finally found what you were searching for? That is in the Miss."

Ren is completely speechless

He hadn't even considered that he had changed in any way. But now that he thought about it, he had to consider that it was possibly true.

He does feel different.

Less removed less cold.

Ai… Ren questions what have you done to me?

"Yeah." He replies, voice uncharacteristically soft, "I suppose your right."

A broad smile spreads across Anna's face.

"I'm glad."

"Me too." Ren replies, his own smile spreading wide on his lips.

He doesn't try to hide it.


	23. Premonition

"Stop…"

That voice…

"Stop before it's too late…" The voice seems to almost plead, in it's absolute emotionless depths. "You can still stop this."

Fear is all she can feel, a chill down her spine; even in sleep she can feel it.

"Stop before you cross a line you can't erase…"

"There always has be a price."

She wakes, shaking and sweat drenched. Hand to her chest, she feels something she hasn't felt in centuries.

A heart beat…

Gasping, she presses down, despite to feel it once more. It was real, it had been there, it hadn't been an illusion this time.

But why?

Ai can't recall the dream or maybe vision; all she can register is the absolute sense of terror that has consumed her whole being.

And the single beat of her heart.

Was it a premonition? Or a sign?

Of something to come.

She doesn't know.

Ai allows her limp hand to fall from her chest. Her gaze is steel flame.

Bring it.


	24. The Problem

Time had never been important to her, to either of them.

It was an irrelevant creature, hiding in the shadows, slowly ticking on, without her notice. She Ai – had no real reason too, nothing ever changed; time for her was, in essence, consisted of when she had a client and when she did not. Nothing beyond those two points existed.

Nothing until now that is, now time for her, had a third and much more meaningful agent. No more was she aimlessly floating between two lifeless existences; she'd given up, given in, allowed herself to feel for him and in turn, he'd shown her life, or something like it. Flickers of possibility; for a life she now craved.

He'd inspired a sort of hope in her to bloom, just another branch of mortal emotion.

Time, it mattered once more to her; like a camera finding its focus, she has found her place in the frame. But with time, came the eventual realization, that they didn't have enough of it; not for each other at least.

His hand curled to the shape of her face, fingers dancing down to her chin, a thumb pad brushing softly across her lips.

A shiver

Looking up through her lashes, the unchanging sun though the paper covered window, playing on his face, creating lovely golds and russets on his skin, in his eyes. Ai can't for the life of her, remember how to breathe.

Then she feels it, the pull again in her stomach; stronger this time, causing her to move that much closer to him. His hand caresses once more her cheek; under her chin guiding her mouth up to his. Moment's pass by; quiet, gentle ones, then changing and shifting into something more intense. New and different as his lips find her ear, traveling down to find a home in the hollow of her throat.

A quiet gasp falling from her lips, something that was unheard, from her before now.

A momentary pause to listen, just in case, since the eternal world was so silent; beyond the always present low sound of the grandmother's wheel and the loud chime of the computer, there was almost no sound to disturb the lack of life.

That being said, something as small as an intake of breath; which would never normally be audible, to anyone more than a foot away. But in the world of every lasting dawn and dusk, everything was seen and heard. That was the point of this place after all.

Even though they are hidden, somewhat behind a folding screen, used normally to hang and to change into, her elaborate formal Kimono, there was always a risk…

Hearing nothing, but the gentle thrum of the spinner's wheel, they both relax, his lips once more returning to her skin. Ai allowing her head to tilt slightly, to give him better access. A few moments more, and she was feeling a little light headed, from the sensations that threatened to overwhelm her. "Here…" She whispers, breathe batted, understanding Ren brings his lips back to hers. She needs moments of familiarity, to re-group, so as to settle into the unfamiliar.

Intensity taking over once more; Ai finds that she's longing to have him closer. Breaking the contact, she makes to sit in his lap. A spot she's come to like; since it allows her more access to him, while still giving her a sense of control.

Sensing her intentions, he's just moved one hand to her waste, the other hocking underneath her knees, to shift her slight frame. When an all too familiar, yet never not startling, chime shatters the moment, making them both jump. Hands going slack on her waste, Ai finds herself suddenly tipping forward, the Kimono hindering her movements, causing her to land half sprawled and very ungracefully, on top of his now prone form.

Another first…

"Are you alright?" Ren whispers, voice concerned, as he quickly reaches out, hand on her tightly Obe clad middle, trying to keep her from falling, well more that is.

Nodding, cheeks flushing hot, Ai all the sudden, can't recall the reason for her new positioning. Quickly, she's become all too aware of the extraordinary feeling of his body, pressed so intimately into hers.

Moving away from him is the last thing she feels like doing.

"Ai," the soft, all knowing, insistent voice of her grandma calls out, a reminder, "You have a message."

Dammit…

"Coming, O-bāchan…"

Sighing, Ren carefully, sits them both up right. Hands intertwined between them, Ai allows her forehead to find his for a moment. Once more finding his mouth and placing a firm quick kiss there, before finally forcing herself away from him. The words passing quickly from her lips to his, in that brief contact of lips.

I love you.

They don't speak as he helps her up, hand still clasped tightly with hers.

What is there to say?

Straightening her formal robe, Ai lets his hand go, as she makes her way over to the computer. Turning back a few moments later, Ai finds that he's already allowed his form to shift back into one of straw. He was overdue; she hasn't been using him as often, as she should. Ai's tried to keep him on the investigation side of the contracts, so she could have a chance at keeping him close, throughout the case.

Not this time, especially after what they've just managed to get away with. It's time that he once again, resumes the role of her servant.

Hands clenching into fists, Ai feels a slight ache beginning in her throat, and the distinct sting of tears forming in the back of her eyes. Stop! You cannot cry…

Biting her lip, forcing the well of emotion down, Ai quickly retrieves her Seifuku, from where she had left it neatly folded up, when going to close another case, to ferry another soul; not but an hour before. Changing quickly, she emerges from behind the screen.

Gently holding his doll form, Ai departs for the mortal world, to once more resuming her role as Hell Girl.

The Hell Correspondence…

It consumed all of her, bound her precious time in chains, and held her trapped in its inescapable spider's web.

More than anything, Ai wants it, her mortal clock returned to her. She wants to stop merely existing, never changing, always staying still.

She wants freedom.

Hasn't she earned a little of that by now?

Heaven…

She likes the sound of it.


	25. Confessions

It was another day - a new cycle, a new client to observe.

This time, it was a first year high school girl; being bullied by an upperclassmen. Pathetic, but not uncommon, actually such dull cases were, to say the least, preferred by the Hell Correspondence team.

Hard cases brought back hard memories, for all of them.

Yes, these types of cases were best.

Ai sits in one of the desks near the back of the classroom, in close proximity to their client. The girl's bully was absent today, but the client was present, and Ai had thought it a good idea to sit in on the class, to observe the girl. So she could watch her behaviors, if she had friends, did she seem to have other bullies around her?

As of right now though, Ai hasn't seen anything that she would deem out of the ordinary or disturbing. The girl is just sitting there; watching the board.

Well... No. Not the board, but rather, the "teacher" standing in front of it.

Sighing Ai casts her gaze around the room; a great number of students had their eyes trained on Ren, girls and boys alike, all starring. It makes her feel a twinge of something she can't place. It wasn't anger exactly, something less, an itch of irritation. They have no right...

She hadn't recognized it before, but so many of the eyes that gazed at him, were similar to the way in which, she herself, sometimes looked at him. She clenches her fists in her lap, feeling her face heat.

Stop acting foolish... She chastises herself, don't let what you have together be spoiled by work... She thought that she'd been doing a good job at that; separating her relationship with him from her job. Apparently, that's over now.

Disgusted with herself, she feels her mouth settle into a frown. Jealously, that was it, wormed its way through her mind. But why? She asks herself, you have no reason to be... He has eyes only for you, not for any of these people.

Was she worried for her position? That he would find someone that was beyond her?

Yes, in a way.

She's afraid of those adoring gazes, their expressions so open with longing, so much more knowledgeable, she presumes, then her; at least when referring to love and what came with it.

She isn't good at that, not usually anyways.

She has moments, where her shyness comes and it's too much; the feelings, the overwhelming cravings, all causing her to panic and shy away from too much touch. Then there were times when those feelings fade, and she's once again someone other than a young girl in love. She became something closer to that of a woman, a temptress of sorts; who wanted to test her boundaries, to see where they would lead.

She wants those two selves to collide, to coexist, and to combine. Both the nervous, curious girl and the woman, the creature who longed for more than just hands on her waste; the latter of which, she was still growing into.

It was all so irritatingly, unknown. All this fuss, on her part, and his hands hadn't even gone beneath her blouse, let alone below her waste… Her cheeks feel as though they were on fire, from embarrassment, desire or both she doesn't know.

You don't need to be scared... You trust him, don't you? Completely, but...

There were so many "buts."

But what if he got board of her, what if she was boring, what if she was never ready for anything beyond what they'd already done, what if she wasn't good at it, what if he laughed at her, what if he left her, what if... - ?

"Ojou." Ren's voice is near her ear, then a gentle hand atop her shoulder.

Sitting up, startled, opening her eyes, and almost knocking their heads together. Ai automatically reaches up to touch his cheek.

"Sorry." She whispers, concern evident. "Did I hurt you?"

A soft laugh "Hardly," He says "You fell asleep?" Now the concern was his to own.

"A little... More like lost in thought..." She lets her eyes drift slightly away from his intelligent gaze.

"Are you alright? You look... worried." He finished, a raised eyebrow, now complimented his expression.

Was she worried? At the moment, as she gazed up into his face once more, Ai doesn't feel as if she has a care in the world. Safe, so safe, is how she feels.

Focus... You are worried and scared, now tell him that. Nodding slightly, she lets out a sigh she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"I'm worried." She confirms; a swell of relief at the confession, filled her chest.

Glancing over at the closed sliding door of the classroom, Ren allows his gaze to fall on her once more. Crouching down, leaning against the desk, so that they were now eye to eye, he asks, tone serious.

"About?"

Ai wants nothing more than to confide in him, but not yet, not here. There would be students coming back for their next class, in just a few minutes or so. "Later." She says instead, and then raising, so that now he's looking up at her, the desk in between them, she adds. "I promise."

His gaze is weary with worry, but a gleam of mirth quieted the latter. "I'll hold you to that."

It took a great effort to make herself leave the room, to not allow herself to take his hand and just go. But she can't and couldn't. So she left, to finish her work.

It was later, maybe a day or so, when things were calm enough and he could feel confident that there would be no requests for the time being, when Ren finally tracks her down.

She isn't hard to find.

Curled in a small heap on the Tatami floor, seeming asleep, she seems to him, like the most beautiful thing. Hating to disturb her, but needing to know what she was on about the other day, he sits down beside her, gently leaning in to touch her shoulder.

"Ai..."

It was daytime in the mortal world, so if she didn't have a client to investigate, she could usually be found back at the eternal world, completely dead to the world. Her nights were spent answering clients, so she needed time during the wakeful hours, to sleep.

It took a minute or two, but eventually, with a sleepy sigh, she began to stir, then suddenly, eyes flashing open, looking momentary confused, her gaze is fast on him.

"Sorry to wake you." He apologizes, smiling a bit.

A slight shake of her head, is his only answer, as she sits up. Their faces ending up close together.

"Its fine," she replies, "I wasn't fully asleep anyways."

Nodding, he allows his gaze to move discreetly, down her form. He sees her hands, which pluck at her skirt; he takes in her downcast head, and shifting gaze. Why was she so nervous? Looking at her currently, he suspects that he won't get an answer, unless he makes the first move.

"Talk to me?" Ren says, the words both a prompt and a question. "Whatever it is, I'll listen." He grinned then, "You can't scare me off that easily."

She smile's slightly, but quickly allows it to fade. Opening her mouth, she tries to speak, but the words won't come. He looks more serious as he adds, "Really, no matter what it is, I'll be here for you. You don't need to worry."

The words send a spark of pleasure through her, but the uncertainty that quickly follows, makes her words finally come to the surface.

"I'm worried that I'm not good enough for you, for this…"

He looks ready to interrupt, but now that she's opened her mouth, nothing can stop the flood of words that pour like heavy rain fall, from her lips.

She tells him everything; in her slow, halting, sometimes unsure way. Ren wants to stop her, to tell her how wrong she is, but he stays quiet, letting her talk, just listening. Sometimes that's just what she needs, what was best for them both.

She's so uncertain sometimes, it frustrates him so, because she should be anything but, she's so wise and beautiful, no reason at all to feel insecure. He doesn't understand why she feels unworthy, because if anyone is undeserving, it's him. And as for the other stuff well...

It's a little while more, before her words cease and her head falls, too drained from so much talking, to go on. Taking her chin in his hand, he gently forces her eyes up to meet his once more.

"You're so wrong." He says, tone tinged with a kind of exasperated affection. She raises a delicate eyebrow, but his voice stops her from arguing. "You don't understand, people aren't with each other to be fake and perfect. You know that people aren't like that. People are with people, I'm with you, because you're you. I don't want anyone else. And I won't want anyone else" He looks away from her gaze as he says this, sheepish.

"Sure," he goes on, "you're right, that there are others who are less shy or who are more forward with affection or whatever else. But you need to know that I don't care about any of that. You're serious and cautious, and often fearful, but is that a bad thing? No. Am I annoyed by your caution? Of course not and I can see why you would feel the need to be so."

He didn't want to upset her, but he felt that his next words were needed, in order to get his point across. "You were… hurt by many people in the past; I can see why you'd be feeling somewhat anguish about, well, about all the things you mentioned."

Before opening up that can of worms though, he says, voice soft, "I love that you save your warmth, your softness, your emotions, for the people who you feel deserve them; like Mikage Yuzuki... and me. I can see why you'd be feeling as you do, but you need to know, that you have no reason to…"

He hopes that she understands what he's trying to say.

Her eyes are gentle, weary, and just slightly tinged with sadness. For the situation or because of the mention of her long dead Yuzuki, Ren can't tell. "And..." he continues, tone tender "You need to know, that I'm not going to get board of you, or rush you into anything that makes you uncomfortable. I would never do that to you."

Her hand comes to rest on his cheek, a shine that could be tears, filling her gaze. "You showed me... what happened to you. Ren speaks up again; trying to convey all of what he's thinking to her, "I can't imagine what that was like, how much..." his voice trails off, the meaning clear, in the quiet that surrounds them.

"I know…" She says, tone deep "I know you understand, it's me, it really is…" She pauses "I just get... worried." She finishes lamely, her mind failing to come up with anything better to say, so emotionally overwhelmed was she.

"I know, I know you do, but you have no reason to be." He smiles down at her, "You really should stop and look in the mirror sometimes, you really are beautiful and you don't even know it." He brings her face closer to his own. "But I can't read your mind; I need you to tell me these things, so that I can help you, and remind you, of how ridiculous you sound." Leaning forward he kisses her cheek, then forehead, a deep well of empathy filling him.

"You don't ever need to feel insecure or jealous… I belong to you, and that's how I'd like things to stay." He finished, tone kind.

Leaning in, Ai presses her lips to his, in a proper kiss. "Thank you." She whispered, as she carefully scooted into his lap, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"No need to thank me." He replies happily, as his arms moved to embrace her. "But, your welcome."

Sighing contentedly, Ai allows her eyes to close, sleep threatening to take her once more.

"Okay," she concedes, "I love you.'

"As I love you." He responds, tone quiet, "Get some sleep, I'll wake you if there's a request."

Nodding in assent, Ai snuggling closer to him, allows herself to be lulled to sleep, his heartbeat a melody, more beautiful to her, then the most stunning music. A feeling of relief and unrealized strength, causing her to smile gently, as she did so.


	26. Between Fire and Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of extreme child abuse and sexual content ahead.

She hadn't felt such an extreme amount of anger, in such a long time.

It surprises her, almost to the point that she almost doesn't recognize the feeling, once she indeed feels it, rising within her, like suffocating tendrils.

She witnesses the acts, the same acts that had been forced upon her, once so many hundreds of years ago.

She's seen them before, many times, forced on so many others.

It'd bothered her before, but now, with this particular girl, she feels something more. The heat of crimson fury breaking her sculpted, hard clay, emotionless face, into something which bleed with feeling. In the darkness of the shed, in which she could only observe, not being able to interfere. Her face broke into a million pieces, an ugly expression emerging, from the dust and ash, of long dried clay.

She was not sad, no, she was enraged; at the man, this person who, without any remorse, forced himself on this girl, her client, only a child of 5 years old. And she was disgusted, with the male and most of all with herself; that she could do nothing, but witness.

She was so tempted, needing to do something, to save this child.

But she -

Before she could finish the thought, the movements happening above the girl's broken form, suddenly subsided. The man then quickly stood and kicked the girl, hard in the stomach several times. The child remained still and motionless, not reacting to the seemingly painful attacks.

The straw doll lay near her, just out of her grasp…

Dead, the child was dead.

The man finally left, drunkenly, not even realizing, Ai assumes, that he had committed a sexual assault and murder.

The girl's own uncle, none the less…

Ai herself is motionless for what feels like hours, then with a sudden jolt. She finds herself moving forward, crouching in front of the child's head, and gently closing her wide, panicked, and unseeing eyes. Her fingers trembling as she does so.

Then she continues to simply sit there, expression once again blank.

She feels dizzy and sick to her stomach, memories of her own violation, coming back to her in quick flashes. Then suddenly, tears are falling, fast down her face.

Then she feels his presence, come to sit beside her. His doll form abandoned. Ren doesn't say anything, worried, Ai presumes, of frightening her. Hands clenching into fists, her voice finally breaks the quiet,

"She didn't deserve to die…" Ai whimpers, voice a pained cry.

Ren doesn't respond for a moment, seeming to choose his words carefully, before speaking. "I know." Ren replies softly, deceptively calm, as he isn't sure how to comfort her. This situation was something that neither of them could control nor change.

It was a horrible thing to witness, but it wasn't an uncommon case; really it was far too regular.

Hands going up to cover her face; Ai feels as if she can't stay still anymore, she needs to move, to do something. Standing quickly, the room swaying around her, stumbling, stopping short at the exit; hand reaching up to push aside the door, Ai feels the anger suddenly, take over her once more.

It was all consuming, a kind of haze that blocked everything else out.

The pain is instant, as her fist, connects with the hard wood of the door. Only intensifying as she does it again and again. She soon ends up on the floor, taking her anger out on the hard dirt packed ground. Then she's sobbing, curled up in a ball, heaving into her bleeding hands. Ren is by her side then, arms wrapping around her, pulling her body up into his.

"Ai, it's alright…" he whispers, burying his face into her dirt coated hair. He keeps saying the words, knowing by now, that his voice will eventually bring her back to him. He knows how to handle her moods by now, isn't frightened by her emotional outbursts, as he once had been.

This time feels different though, because Ren's never seen her breakdown so hard, so intensely, over a client. Not at least, in this way. He hasn't seen her so angry, so jarred, in quite some time, and it makes him feel uneasy. It concerns him deeply, because if her emotions were so present, so able to influence and intrude, even jobs, then Ren is worried, no terrified, that she may, someday, act on her feelings, before thinking of the consequences.

That she will let her heart completely take over, allow rationality to leave her fully.

Would that be such a bad thing though? The unwelcomed thought enters his mind, causing a shock to spread throughout his body. He feels disgusted with himself, but then another thought intruded on the first, Isn't that what they'd both already been doing? In loving each other... Guilt and self-loathing; were overwhelming, in that moment, as he felt her arms clutch him closer.

It's my fault… If she were to be dammed, it would be my fault.

Before his mind could spiral further down that line of thinking, though, Ren was suddenly distracted, by her tears once more falling, soaking into his coat hem. Instead of considering his guilt ridden musings, he finds himself forgetting them almost immediately, so busy was he, with taking her needs into account.

It was a little while later, when Ai was finally calm enough, to sit up in his embrace. Her face was swollen, tear streaked, and scratched up, but she seemed, more like herself, as her gaze focused on his once more.

He is momentarily held captive, by the pain that was reflected in those orbs.

Glancing away, because as much as he wanted her to remain as she was, now quiet and seeming, for the moment, in control, Ren knows, however, that they can't remain here anymore. The others would be worried by now, about where they had gone. Hone would be frantic, if she found Ai in this state.

Ren wouldn't usually care about such things; it was her wellbeing over everything else that mattered most to him, but now, as he remembers that they are In fact, in a store room with a corpse. He thinks that leaving might be the best decision for her. This wasn't the place for recovering, from such an intense emotional meltdown.

Moving her gently, Ren gingerly stands, and before she can register what's happening, he's already scooped her up easily, into his arms.

"Let's go." He murmurs, though really, he's left her with no alternatives, with her new found positioning.

She looks ready to protest, but just as quickly she stops; and allows her body to go limp in his arms. With only enough strength suddenly, to place her head against his chest, his heart - Ai can't help, but feel safe in his embrace.

"Shouldn't," she pauses for a moment, to steady her voice, "Shouldn't she be buried?" Her gaze is fixated on the girl's body once more, seeming reluctant to leave her in such a state.

"You know we shouldn't do that." Ren replies, tone quiet, "The authorities will find her body, most likely within the next few hours." He continues, as his hand that's supporting her back, gently strokes back her heavy hair, trying to comfort.

"If we were to do that, then there's a chance that her body would never be discovered, and," he said, voice slipping into something gentle, "If that happens, then how do you think her family would feel? Her mother seemed loving and her sister as well. Is that fair to them, to never know what happened?

"They'll be heartbroken…" Ai says tone mournful.

"Your right of course, but isn't that better in some ways? He asks, "Isn't having closure, even if it is horrible and terrible, better then never knowing, if not who the culprit was, then at least being able to know what happened, better then never knowing at all? At least this way, her family can see her again, they may even be able, with DNA samples, to bring that man to justice…" He finishes lamely, knowing full well that justice, was easier said than done, the man had, after all, been the girl's own relative.

Complicated, it would soon, all be so difficult… and painful.

"Your job though," he adds, "is over now."

The rest would be up to fate.

Sighing, letting her head once more, rest against his heart; Ai moves her limp arm up, to clutch at his shoulder, allowing herself to be held that much closer.

"Let's go home." She whispers, feeling as if she were both, in that fragile moment, a small child clinging to a parent for dear life and a young bride on her wedding night, being embraced by her groom.

"Okay." Ren whispers back, his tone soothing.

They emerged from the shed moments later, both dirty and in Ai's case, hands and body bloody and bruised. The sun was hidden behind thick grey clouds, appropriate weather for what they'd just experienced.

Held protectively, Ai feels sad, empty and full, all at once.

Those feelings, and his steady heartbeat, lulled her into a kind of drowsiness, which seemed to resemble sleep; so exhausted was she, as his strong arms carried her back to the eternal realm. They were met with silence; as the others were not there, thankfully. They must have been out, maybe searching for the pair.

Placing her on her feet carefully, Ren instead opts for holding her hand, feeling worried that there would already be another message waiting for them.

He can see, just by glancing at her face, that she's not composed enough for that.

Her fingers are badly bruised, but none, after further inspection, seemed to be broken, which he's thankful for. That was the last thing she needed right now. Hands intertwined, they went in together, both needing the other, very much, in that moment.

There must have been some deity that looked down upon them with pity, since luckily the computer was blank, with no new requests. He feels her visibly relax beside him, an audible sigh of relief escaping her lips.

"It's okay…" He says, almost more for himself, then for her.

Sighing again, the sound seeming wearier than anything else, Ai allows herself to gingerly sit against one of the far walls of the house, knees tucked into her chest, head resting atop her hands. Moving to rest beside her, Ren feels the ache of guilt; fill his chest once more, as he observes just how miserable she looks.

After several quiet minutes, Ren leaning into her ear, whispers, "Would you want to come outside with me?"

Beyond those times where he felt it absolutely necessary, like in the shed, he almost always tries to give her a choice, to reassure her that she is, in fact, still the one in charge here. She gave him direct orders; she had no choice, at least when referring to clients.

But, he's never felt comfortable with doing that himself. One reason being, that there had always been that power dynamic between them, and the more pressing reason, for him at least, was because of the utterly in human way, she had been treated in the past. Her past and present, were completely controlled by rules and the powers that be, which set those rules.

Ren wants her to know that she has those choices, even if it was just in their small bubble of a relationship. He wouldn't usually ask that of her, but looking at her now, he thinks sitting still isn't a great decision, at least in terms of her getting to a state of calm.

Nodding, she slowly rises.

Making their way outside, Ai tugs at his hand gently, bringing them towards the dock. Sitting down, she cups her hands into the water, wincing slightly at the sting of pain; she carefully splashes some of the liquid on her face, on her wrists and across her neck.

It felt good… really good.

Sighing contentedly, Ai shifts her gaze up to meet Ren's, they watch each other for a moment more, neither speaking. Then quietly, she murmurs, "Thank you." Her tone is that of someone who has suffered through too many tragedies, a soul in need of tenderness.

Responding in kind, Ren replies, "You don't need to thank me," he grins then, "it's all part of my job description." He smirked; face that of a child who knows he's being wicked.

Rolling her eyes, as she raised a delicate brow, Ai replies, tone accusing, "What job description?"

"The one I assigned myself." He replies, his grin growing ever wider.

Smiling slightly, she leans into his side, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek as thanks.

"Fine," she concedes, "I suppose then I won't deny you your "job."

Rising quickly, with renewed energy, she commands softly, "Come."

And so they go.

They've settled themselves in an obscured portion of field; with dried grass and red spider lilies surrounding them on all sides. It feels oddly private, even if in reality, the eternal realm was anything, but that. Even so, they both are feeling more relaxed now, with quiet minds which lull them into a sense of security.

"I'm sorry." Ren speaks up, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

"About?" Ai asks, tone concerned, as she turns her body to face him.

Running a hand through his hair, avoiding her gaze, he replies, "About today, about everything."

Moving closer, she asks softly, "What does that mean?"

"I just… if it wasn't for me, then you wouldn't be feeling how you do now."

Confusion settling over her face, she replies, "Why do you think that?"

"Because, Ren continues, frustration evident in his voice, "It's my fault that you're feeling as you do. If we weren't involved as we are, then you wouldn't be upset, and you wouldn't be in pain."

Voice surprisingly sharp, she responds, "Yes, you're right, I wouldn't be in pain, I wouldn't be feeling anything at all. I'd still be the half dead, lifeless shell that I once was." She can't repress the sudden anger she feels, like a sharp whip lashing out, because how dumb was he, to say such things?

"Wouldn't it be better though?" He asks voice just as impassioned, "Isn't it safer that way? Aren't you afraid of what your emotions could mean for you?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, exasperated, very much beside herself with incredulity, at his idiocy.

"I mean," he continues, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, "If something were to happen to you, if you were to be… if we are found out, then it would be my fault and I'd never be able to forgive myself."

Shifting, so that she is now sitting up, leaning on her knees, so as to meet his gaze full on, she says, tone once more gentle, "It's not your fault." she emphasizes.

"You've never been anything, but respectful and loving towards me, you didn't force me to love you…" she pauses, wanting him to really hear her, "It was my choice, to not keep you at a distance." Her tone was that of the finest velvet, soft and vulnerable. "I never wanted to shut you out."

Reaching for her, bringing her close, Ren is surprised and relieved by her bold words. The thought occurs to him, that in all the time they'd been together, they had never discussed this aspect of their relationship.

They'd been involved now, for many, many years, though to them, years were inconsequential, since neither of them aged, it really didn't matter. But in all that time and considering how much they now, knew about one another, Ren feels that it's about time they touched on this topic.

"I know… " he says, tone tender, "But if you… if you were to be sent to Hell, because of our relationship, well then, what am I supposed to think? How would you have me feel? Who do I blame in all of this? Certainly not you… No, he pauses, it would be on me."

"It wouldn't and isn't though," she tries again, "I won't lie to you and say that this, that we, are a good idea, that what we are doing isn't idiotic and beyond dangerous." She motions an elegant finger between the two of them, "You know that already, maybe more then I myself do. But you are wrong about that part; this isn't your fault or even mine. It's not even... well it's fault, not really, if you look at this from its point of view. It makes sense, I have broken a rule, the most important one at that. I feel… again. That rule, as my servant, does not apply to you, not really anyways.

Holding up her hand, she promptly stops the interruption, before Ren could even form it. "That isn't a bad thing. It is how things should be. It is our fate, mine and yours." She smiles lightly, "It is always fate, don't you see that?' she asks, "Everything is threads, spun together to create the universe, to right the world's ever tipping balance."

"But what happens," Ren can't help, but point out, "when someone disrupts that order? Isn't that dismissing random tragedy? Does that explain and compensate for all the horrible acts committed every day? Seemingly for no reason at all, other than just general human misfortune." He knows that she must understand what he means.

Ren has seen her do that very thing, a number of times, first with the Shibata's, then with Takuma, again with Mikage Yuzuki and now, most recently, with him.

She went against the predestined, preplanned path, which was laid out before her. Acting on her feelings, going against what she was told or even, what would be most beneficial for her. Was she saying then, that her reactions, her feelings, were nothing more than fate, interceding, to right that karmic web, which weaved their world.

Could fate really be the explanation, the answer for all of that?

"Do you really believe that?" he asks, voice quiet, the question filling the air around them, going unanswered for what felt like hours.

Then she says voice barely above a whisper, "What else is there?" Her voice is nothing, but a small whimper as she goes on, "What other explanation would fit? For all the senseless acts committed by people, for every cruel and wretched act, that I have seen and done myself, isn't the only fitting answer, be that of destiny?

"Maybe," Ren replies, treading carefully, "But beyond the rationality of it all, is that something that truly makes sense to you?"

A beat

"Of course not," she says, "How could it?"

Shaking her head slightly, she continues, "Good people get bullied, harassed, bought, sold, raped, abused and killed, every day, for sometimes no reason, other then, for the sake of it or from just mere coincidence." Her voice has risen up and octave and her eyes are intense.

"I understand consequences and punishments," she continues, voice more controlled, "Heaven and Hell, light and darkness, even to some extent, good and evil, though that is extremely subjective." She pauses, "I comprehend all that… it makes sense, when looked at simply." She finishes, weary all over again.

"But then," Ren asks, "How does the Hell Correspondence fit into all of that? If it were merely Heaven and Hell and some demon or being that passed fair judgment, whatever that is, over souls, well I could more easily understand that.

But Jigoku Tsushin is a judgment system, which is determined by the client themselves… Not by any all-knowing deities, it's simply human choice… But it also seems to hold, within its absolute, mere existence, a kind of fate. How is that possible?"

Instead of some long complicated reply, after a few minutes of agonized silence, Ai admits, voice a resolved whisper, "I do not know."

The first time, for both of them; in which she couldn't find the answer, which she so badly seeks.

A long silence stretched out then, between them, for minutes on end. Then in a quiet, oddly unsure voice, Ren asks, "So what of us then?"

She seemed to take in his words, one sound at a time, letting the space around them, settle with the question, allowing the air to absorb the flavor of their meaning.

"I think," she finally replied, "that it really doesn't matter." Her gaze is fixated on his, her look is soft and full of intent.

"If I get sent to Hell tomorrow, does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Ren responds, voice sharp with fright.

"No." she continues, "It doesn't."

"Why would you say that?" Ren asks, the hurt in his voice now showing clear on his face, "If you die and it's my fault, if I'm left alone, without you… then…" he suddenly can't finish his sentence, his words are lost, stolen away, by the sudden ache in his throat and the unfamiliar sting at the back of his eyes.

"You'll live." Ai finishes, her tone soft, empathetic, a loving caress.

Leaning forward, gently trailing the back of her hand against his tear streaked face, brushing away the wetness, she continues, "If something happens to either of us, we both must promise to do that, if nothing else."

Unable to speak, Ren simply nods, understanding clear on his face, as he leaned into her touch. Head inclining down to hers, they find themselves kissing, another kind of communication, passing between them. There was a deep comprehension in these intimate acts, a knowledge that was more than both of them.

After several heated minutes, Ren pulls away from her mouth, just far enough to whisper, into the small space between them.

"I promise."

Then their kissing again, lust momentarily taking over once more, then Ai is the one to pull away, her hands of their own accord, going up to hold his face.

Like something that she feared would break, like he was precious to her.

"I promise too."

Not wanting to ruin the moment, but knowing that she needed to do this now, well they were alone and well she felt brave enough, she adds, "Let's live for the now… forget fate and destiny, let them all burn."

On that note…

She thinks to herself, almost laughing out loud at the thought, Ai gently, shifts her body, so that she's turned away from him.

Giving herself a moment to gather her courage.

Confusion evident on his face, he says, voice steady once more, "What –?' But before he could utter another word, he was already finding out the answer.

The zipper was relatively easy to zip down, Seifuku shirts were designed to be that way, for quick changes. And after decades upon decades of wearing almost exclusively, those kinds of uniforms, it was like second nature, for her to slip the material up and over her head, her hair a dark sheet, which slipped easily through the fabric.

With all that said, her fingers were still a bit clumsy, trembling slightly, with this particular uniform shirt and zipper. Really though, who could blame her? This being the first time, anyone had been present, to see her perform such a mundane, now unusual, ritual.

Moving her hair aside; tucking it over her shoulder and across her front, hiding her chest, even now, Ai then turns her body back, to face him once more. She's shaking now; her head cast down, eyes fixated on her hands, which are clenched in her lap, playing with the pleats in her skirt.

She's so afraid to meet his gaze -

"Hey." She hears him say, tone gentle and soft.

"Hm?" She mumbles, as way of reply.

"Look at me…"

Shaking her head, Ai knows that, at this point, she's acting childish. But she can't help it; and now that she's made the decision, now that she's gone ahead and done it, her resolve has vanished, leaving her feeling embarrassed and unsure.

"Silly…" Ren whispers, voice filled with humor and a deep affection, as he cups her chin in his palm, bringing her face up to his, forcing her to meet his gaze.

He's grinning.

And it's making her blush,

"Would you… can you... kiss me?" Ai asks, voice shaky, though; her eyes are steady on him once more.

"No need to ask…" he mutters, as he leans down, his mouth meeting hers once more, in a fierce, passionate kiss. Moments go by, a new anticipation, like an electric charge, filling the air around them.

More heated moments…

Then they find themselves, a tangle of limbs, in a heap on the dried grass, covered ground.

The sun is a beacon above them; her skin is warm to the touch.

Then a question fills his mind, potent enough, to make him pause. Pulling away from her mouth, just enough to meet her gaze, he asks, perplexed, "Why though?" At her raised brow, he adds, as way of explanation, "This…" he trails off, as he allows one of his fingers, to caress teasingly, from her shoulder, to her arm and all the way down to her fingertips.

He won't allow himself to touch her anywhere else, not daring to move the thick curtain of her hair aside, to investigate that unknown region of flesh. Not yet anyway.

She is understandably, momentarily distracted, by the touch, her body of its own accord, responding to the light caress - gooseflesh rising, a shiver running up her spine.

He waits a smirk on his lips.

"Do you mean… why now?" she asks, after a pause, to gather her thoughts.

He nods; quiet for once, in way of reply.

"Why not?" she replies, the confusion more pronounced now, as she watches his face.

"Cause," he continues, "I'm worried that well, with everything today, that maybe you haven't thought over this enough." He paused for a moment, "I don't want you to regret anything… at least in terms of our relationship."

Smiling slightly, she reaches out, placing a gentle hand against his cheek.

"When did you become the cautious one?" Ai says her smirk playful.

Smiling back, Ren responds, "Oh – well you know, living in a constant state of fear that I'm going to lose you and that I can't do a thing about it, can cause one to become much more 'aware' of his own, somewhat unfavorable qualities."

Looking up sharply, the hurt clear on her face, Ai replies, voice quiet, "Do you really feel that way, all the time?"

"Oh no, Ai, I was joking… well mostly." Ren tries to reassure her; suddenly aware of the rocky territory he's brought them to.

"Why mostly?" She questions, the hurt now moving to her eyes, in the form of tears.

"Ai…" Ren whispers; alarmed by the sudden shift of mood and tone, in their conversation. Reaching for her, bringing her close so as to embrace her, Ren tries to ignore in all of this, just how soft her skin feels, against his hands.

"I just…" he goes on, as he strokes a few stray strains of hair back from her face, "It's not like I'm unhappy with you or feel constantly miserable." He smiles a bit, trying to calm her.

"It's obviously a worry of mine… no question about that, but that doesn't mean that I'm living life, whatever that is, around that fear, it doesn't mean I regret being with you or anything like that."

Brushing at the few tears, he adds, "If having these worries and fears, means that I can be with you, well then, of course I'll happily accept them. I love you… and I could never resent you for that."

"Never say never…" she mutters, always the realist.

"Always the optimist, ey Ai?" he smirks, laughing despite himself. "Do you understand though? What I'm trying to say?" Ren persists, serious once more.

"I understand." She confirms, seeming more relaxed, as her fingers began a dance along his jawline.

Leaning into her touch, he asks, "Trust me on that?'

"You know I do." She whispers back, and then sitting up, she asks, "Do you trust me?'

"Obviously." He replies, smirking slightly.

"So," she goes on, "You need to trust, that I know what I'm doing… about this," she motions to her discarded shirt nearby, "I'm okay… I really am. Today was hard, I won't say it wasn't, but that was then, and now…" she trails off, looking away for a second, "Now I just want… would like if you… for you to" she stammered, afraid of her own words, "Touch me."

Bold words, but the effect was immediate.

In a matter of seconds, Ren's reached up, and pulled her down to meet him. And just like that, they were right back where they started. Now once more on the ground, they were a heap of legs and arms; the intention now utterly clear to both of them.

"Okay?" Ren asks, as his hand pauses, about to lift her lustrous locks off her front, now wanting more than anything, to explore what lay beneath.

"Yes…" she sighs, the vulnerability clear in her tone. It wasn't an easy thing, giving up this kind of control. 'I've wanted this…" she adds, "for a while now." She finishes, blushing.

Kissing her hard, lips running up her jaw, then to her ear, he whispers, voice low, "I could say the same for me." He grinned, pausing a moment to nibble on her ear.

It was a kind of art, intimacy, physicality, love and sex. If one were to hasty, then the other partner would be left adrift, needing more then what they'd been given. Though it could go the other way as well; too slow and they were left with similar feelings of dissatisfaction.

It was all so individualized, all depending on what the other person found pleasurable and not, it was all about learning and listening. Ren hadn't been the type to take all that into account, never having been in love with the humans he had been with previously, weather due to not caring enough to put in the effort or in not really being present in the moment. The main reason being, that since so many of the sexual encounters he's initiated, were in essence, something he was assigned to do, as a means of investigating or punishing a client.

Yeah, that kind of experience wouldn't be of use to him here.

Though he'd learned tricks, knew ways to make people feel good, had learned that many women preferred slow, leisurely touches. Sensations which were meaningful, in a sense, that respected the fact that indeed, sex was more than just a quick act.

Ren had known all that sure, but, it wasn't until now, when he was actually deeply in love with the person who he was in essence, engaging in a sexual act with. That he is able to truly see the beauty in those types of slow, calculated touches.

It's not an easy thing for her, Ren can see that In the way that she sometimes will seem to drift out of the moment, returning he guesses, to a dark shed, with smiling demons, and a mortal body, which couldn't bare the pain.

During these moments, when her eyes are unfocused and she is clearly not with him anymore, Ren stops his actions; instead he shifts, to lying beside her, taking hold of her hand and whispering words of reassurance, into her ear. Soon enough, she would come back to him, gaze once more focused and her own hand, gripping his right back.

It was after multiple times of this, that Ren finally sets a goal, a mission of sorts, for today's 'explorations'. Grinning down at her, his lips finding her ear, he tells her just what he's thinking. His words causing a sudden well of need, to open within her, a moan from her, his only response.

Ren's sure he can manage it, even if his hands are not beneath her skirt.

It's not that long after, when he's able to accomplish that goal.

They're both sitting up, both sick of the hard ground, which they'd been lying on for quite some time, a new, almost animalistic need taking over. Ai's in his lap, facing away, though her head rests back, against his shoulder. Her face is deeply flushed; her hands are clenched into fists, one resting on one of Ren's legs and the other in her own lap, balling up the fabric of her skirt, needing to grip something.

Any propriety by that point was long gone…

His hands are busy at the moment, one occupying itself with her back, running a fingertip up and down her spine, in a continues motion, that she seems to be enjoying. The other is to the front of her body, more specifically caressing one of her breasts, the feeling for her, overpowering in the pleasure the action produced.

She's abandoned the shyness that he's seen so much from her, lost her girlish hesitance, even allowing her enjoyment, when he got something really right, or when he found a spot on her body, that surprised her, with the amount of pleasure it produced, to manifest through bold whimpers and sighs.

It was beyond erotic, for both of them.

It's during all this; that Ren finally gets her to where he promised he would. He feels it the moment it happens, since she is so close, he can feel her body tense up, all at once. Pressing her face against his neck, Ai for her part, is completely down for the count, all her senses overworked and overstimulated.

He hears her sudden cry, sees her face, expression open and needy, desire a thick fog taking over her mind completely.

"Don't worry, love," Ren assures her, kissing her quick, "I'll get you through it."

And he does.


	27. An Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love is of source unknown, yet it grows ever deeper. The living may die of it, by its power the dead live again. Love is not love at its fullest if one who lives is unwilling to die for it, or if it cannot restore to life one who has died. And must love that comes in dream necessarily be unreal? For there is no lack of dream lovers in this world. Only for those whose love must be fulfilled on the pillow, and for whom affection deepens only after retirement from office, is it an entirely corporeal matter."
> 
> — Preface to the Peony Pavilion; Tang Xianzu, 1598

She finds it in a dingy used bookstore, the dramas and old plays in the section were almost more dust than anything else, barely resembling books at all, so worn and old were they.

Ai is immediately taken with the sight; because she, if asked, would say that she more often favored the "old" world, rather than this new, ultraviolent one. She wasn't impressed, by all the technology, all the distractions, that tore everyone away from everyone else. Though maybe she was hypocritical; since her job, all but depended on the use of such things.

Maybe that's why she prefers such old places; as a means of departure, from this life, which often felt stifling to her. She's been living in the past now, for quite some time, her mind favoring memories, rather than the present, which could be so bleak.

That was, of course true for the past as well, though, she's been recalling happier memories, what few she had, as a way of escape.

She's been thinking of her parent's lately, missing her mother's warmth, craving her father's rare, but gentle hugs. She misses them, has been feeling that way, for some weeks now.

Her mind has been troubled, her thoughts preoccupied, though it had been a good month mouth or so, Ai is still concerned about the case, with the young girl, who had been brutally assaulted and murdered.

After that day, after those intimate, intense moments with Ren had ended, moments which, they still hadn't discussed and which, Ai hadn't yet given herself time to contemplate; her mind was once again forced back, into reality.

Within that reality, she had found that she couldn't forget the child or her situation.

She'd kept tabs on the family; who had, soon enough, been informed by police officials, of their child's discovered body. She'd listened in; heard the girl's mother screaming and crying, heard the coroner speak of mutilated genitals, of head trauma, blood loss, of dying due to all these tragedies.

It made her feel physically sick, but for whatever reason, Ai can't stop herself from doing it; spying in on something she shouldn't.

Hurting herself more then she already was… She felt and feels horrible, for just standing by, for not doing anything. It would have been so easy, in those final moments, to reach out and help the child, or better yet…

Better yet… to reach down and strangle that in human demon that was killing her. She wants that man dead.

Ai wants to kill him herself, a million times over.

She feels as though she owes it to the child, to keep an eye on her left behind family members. Like some twisted guardian angel figure. Not that it really made a difference, anyways, she couldn't do anything more than what she'd already done, merely observe and witness.

She hates it, so God be dammed much.

She was sure Hone, Wanyuudou, Yamawaro and Kikuri had no clue, about her actions.

But Ren….

Well he knew, he always knew, when something was wrong with her. Ai hadn't wanted him to know, she hadn't wanted his rationality or worse his pity. For the mere reason that she knew he was right, doing this, continuing on like this, staying involved with cases, it wasn't good for her and wouldn't end well.

Ai knows his intentions would only be for her wellbeing, but right then, she hadn't wanted to hear it.

But she'd been wrong.

He'd found her one night, after she'd left the eternal realm, without a word to any of them, say except for a quick touch to Ren's cheek, before she departed, not turning to meet her servants or Ren's questioning gazes.

She hadn't expected any of them to follow her, she knew that at least four of them wouldn't, but with Ren, well it was more a hope than anything else.

Sitting on top of a high-rise in Osaka, looking in on the girl's mother, whose cries could be heard, even from where she sat hidden, up several stories on the rooftop. Ai is suddenly aware that she is not alone, she isn't surprised; she'd known he would find her out, eventually.

She sits stone faced, waiting for whatever it was he had to say.

Surprisingly enough however, he merely stayed quiet, sitting close to her, he carefully, after a minute of silence, draped a protective arm across her shoulders.

Carefully, always so carful he was with her.

Grateful, that's how she felt in that moment; as she leaned into him, that he as always had understood how she was feeling.

Her frustration faded quickly, her anger too disappeared.

She was left only with sadness.

For herself, for the world, but most of all for the child, who had been innocent in all of this, who hadn't deserved any of the world's cruelty.

She felt so broken then, as well as full, Ren was always that to her, her happiness, within pain.

His arm was tight around her, as her shoulders began to shake, her sadness a reflection of all the injustice and unfairness that was the world.

She reaches for him, her hands clutching at him.

It's later; she's wiped the tears from her face, quiet once more filling the space between them.

"You have to know," He begins, his chin resting on top of her head, "that what you're doing, it can't be good for you.."

Another long silence…

"Is forgetting it, repressing it all, any better though?" Ai responds, her voice a whisper of truth into the night.

He seems to think about it a moment, considering,

"I think sometimes, well isn't it the only thing we can do?"

She takes a moment, before saying the words; she's come to a conclusion, to what she wants, from life and from herself.

"Maybe so, but… I" She paused, "Ren… I don't want it. I do not want to hold anything back, from you, from myself, from anyone… anymore."

"I have always watched… for over 400 years, I have witnessed." She turned her face up to his, her gaze piercing.

"I cannot merely sit by and watch any longer."

Ren is taken aback, by her honestly, by her bluntness. He's surprised, but at the same time not, because though she has never been, till now, very bold, she is certainly brave. Braver, then he could ever dream to be.

"What do you want then?" He asks, the only thing he can think to say in response.

What did she want?

Mortality

Life

"A second chance… for us both." She finishes with strength and shyness, the meaning clear.

"What do you want?' She asks, her quiet tone sounding the slightest bit nervous. Ren takes a few minutes, Ai assumes, to consider the question. The future was vastly uncertain and unknown. Ren would never have considered the question, let alone put any sort of hope or thought into an answer.

He says that to her, in a quiet voice, that he's never really known anything much more than this. "But," He goes on, "I would prefer, well, to stay with you… Whatever that may be, if that means mortality or Hell, well then, so be it."

It was a quiet second in time, a moment so meaningful, as to feel like an eternity to them. As he reached for her hand, his lips soft as butterfly wings against her knuckles.

A fresh tear trickled down her cheek, a shuddery sigh escaping her firmly pressed lips.

A promise of sorts was being made, but for what that was exactly, neither of them knew.

But it was enough.

"Okay." She replied back to him, her voice barely above a shaky whisper, as the darkness of the night seemed to swallow them whole.

The dust makes her sneeze, the reaction bringing Ai back, suddenly into the here and now. She's in the dingy bookstore, her sanctuary of choice for the day. The heavy two volumes sit in her lap, the titles ancient and mysterious, simple and unassuming, all at once.

The cover read, in Traditional Chinese characters,

牡丹亭

The Peony Pavilion

"Tang Xianzu…" She's never come across the author before, but the title, and the first volumes cover, of a young maiden sitting at a dressing table, looking surprisingly sad, intrigues her.

The books are feeling almost warm, as they rest on her knees, like they had a heart, as if they were meant for her… She doesn't even give herself a moment more to ponder the decision or even skim the volumes, to try and decipher if she was even interested in the story.

Ai buys them quickly, the need to possess them, overpowering.

For what reason, she can't say.

It's been a few days since she bought the volumes; it's also been a few days more, since Ren and her, had talked on the rooftop.

About the future…

The hope that idea produced, causes her immediate stress, hitting her like a ton of bricks, almost stealing her breath away, with its intensity.

She needs an escape from it all…

The volumes were hidden beneath her futon blankets; she goes behind the folding screen quickly, seeking a release from herself, from reality.

Picking and opening up the first volume, Ai is suddenly assaulted with complex characters that are above her level of Chinese, which was if she were the type to brag, surprisingly high. She squints, adjusting herself to the tones and rhythms, of another language.

She begins the slow and daunting task, of making sense of all the words that were written. Translating some, and understanding some right away; a challenging task before her indeed.

Ren finds her easily, he'd expected her to be asleep or playing, something usual, but no – he finds her in a state of intense concentration and annoyance.

Smirking a bit, Ren sits himself down beside her.

He waits.

She doesn't even notice.

His grin widening, he says, voice loud, "What'cha reading?"

Nearly jumping a foot, Ai with a gasp, asks, "How long have you been here?"

Mock affronted, he replies, "And hello to you too." Ren tries to keep his voice serious, but as he watches her eyes, which glitter with warmth, he adds, smiling.

"Not long, I just got back," he smirks, adding,

"I wanted to make sure you hadn't ditched out on all of us, left it all behind and –"Faltering, for a moment, he pauses, "went to join the carnies, a local circus troupe." Eyebrows raised, Ai with a laugh, scooting closer to him, voice a gentle whisper, she replies, "That's an idea, I bet I'd be able to pull it off."

"A haunted house of horrors act? You could lead in performances of ghost stories. I bet you could make a killing at either." He adds, hoping for a smile from her. Rewarding him, her grin blooming, Ai replies, her voice deadpan, "Oh, definitely the haunted house, but I'm sure I could do both."

Smiling, his hand coming up to brush away her hair, he adds, "An option for the future, keep it in mind."

Ah the future again…

Sighing, his hand feeling warm and lovely against her face, she says, "Smart, smart."

"Don't worry though," she adds, forever soft in tone, her own hand rising to cover his, "If I decide to ditch and run, you'll be my only accessory."

"Accessory?!" Now Ren really is offended.

"Oh please," Ai replies, her lashes a lovely fan atop her face, her eyes lowered, then looking straight at him she adds, blushing, "You're too pretty to be called anything else."

It was a daring statement and one that Ren is both surprised and a bit amazed by.

"Who are you? "He asks, only half serious.

Grinning again, rare and so beautiful, Ai replies, leaning in for a moment, to whisper close, "Oh, I'm whoever I want to be."

Her breathe is warm, her hair smells sweet.

"You're cruel, you know that?" Ren whispers back, a smirk filling his face.

Smiling back, a now noticeable blush on her face, making her look very young, as she pulls back slightly, adding with a glare, "Shush"

Flirting, light comments, casual small talk and conversation… Not what should be happening between them right now, but none the less, it felt good and needed, for them both in that moment.

Smirking again, Ren adds, quietly, "Ok, Ojou."

Before she could comment, her blush growing deeper, Ren asks quickly, "So really, what are you reading?"

"An opera." Ai gives in, letting his last remark go.

"Really?" He asks, curious, "is it any good?'

"I still can't tell…" she admits, "I've only managed up to chapter two, the writing," She motions to the page, open in front of her, "It's above my abilities."

Instead of teasing her, Ha! finally something she wasn't perfect and all sure at! Ren opts for sincerity, as he asks.

"Can I help?"

Surprised despite herself, Ai replies, tone suddenly shy.

"It may not be of much interest to you, I'm not far in, but it seems very…" Ai can't think of the right words to describe the piece just right, it radiated drama and over exaggeration, emotion and intensity. It was just so…

"Feminine."

"I don't mind," Ren assures her, adding, "I bet I'll like it"

"Besides," he adds, "I think this is one thing I'm better at, then you are." His smirk is full force.

"Well, we'll see about that, now won't we?" Ai mutters back, her words a challenge, which hid her silent contentedness.

So they read, starting from the very beginning, so Ren could help her with the tricky, complicated first section. He was very good at deciphering the meaning within each symbol, while she was better at tone and pronunciation.

As they breezed through the first chapter, which started with the scholar named, Liu Mengmei, recalling a dream he had, about a beautiful maiden. Who as they continued to fly through the first several chapters, they learned was none other than Du Ling Yang.

Ling Yang, the daughter of Madame Du and Prefect Du, a young innocent girl – she was pampered and well bread, living a glorified existence, in a time when richness was hard to come by.

But, even with wealth, and affection from her family, the girl was incredibly lonely and secluded. Her family being so protective, as to never allow her out of her family's compound; as a result, her knowledge of what lay beyond her Women's rooms was almost nonexistent.

It was tragic.

If she had been less sheltered, less naive, maybe what later happened – would've had less of an impact on her.

Ai had been reading at a fare pace, her words rarely pausing, so caught up was she, in the story, that she hadn't paused even once since they started reading. But as the next scenes began to take shape and she gazed at the next few paragraphs of text, Ai suddenly faltered. Her voice trailing off as she reached the end of the current chapter.

Ren who was listening quietly; head resting comfortably in her lap, eyes shut, murmured, "Are you stuck on a word?"

Shaking her head lightly, she replied, "No… it's just… Never mind" But suddenly unable to express how she was feeling, Ai just decided to keep reading, it was the easiest way to communicate to him, why her face was suddenly flushed, her breathing felt short and she couldn't look at his face.

Ling Yang and her maid had snuck into her families garden, a place she was forbidden to visit, to see the springtime slender, a sight the girl had never experienced before, since her family's protectiveness forbid her from even venturing outside.

The girl was quickly overwhelmed and saddened by all she had experienced, she longed for more then what life was offering her and this longing was reflected in the words she spoke as she glided on delicate feet about the abandoned garden.

Now back from her excursion, exhausted by all she'd seen Ling Yang quickly fell asleep.

The dream began in the garden, blossoms and flowers in full bloom, beside the girl to her surprise was a young man. The scholar identified as Liu or dream of willow. The man from the first chapter, who had recalled dreaming of this same girl.

The two exchanged soft, flirtatious words. The feeling between the two, of having known each other before, all but drowning them in its intensity. Then the man Liu Mengme, procured a willow sprig and ran it's softness against the girl's cheek, her arm and against her collarbone, he murmurs to her.

"Lady, come with me just over there where we can talk."

"Where do you mean?"

"There, just beyond this railing peony lined, against the mound of weathered Taihu rocks."

"But, sir, what do you mean to do?'

"Open the fastening at your neck."

"Loosen the sash at your waist."

"As you hide, behind your sleeve."

"You may need to bite the fabric…"

"And so submit to love's brief, sweet embrace."

She paused again after finishing, her mind and body, feeling weighted and strange. She can feel his gaze on her face; her flushed cheeks, her mouth, it was all so much…

Because in this moment, after reading such a scene, well it all came to the surface.

What she hadn't allowed herself to think about for weeks now, what she felt between them now that was so new and intense. What they'd done together. What she'd experienced in his arms, feelings of tenderness and pleasure, that she never would've thought possible for herself.

Maybe it was silly of her, it wasn't like… well they hadn't…. it wasn't everything.

But well… it sort of was to her anyways.

Placing the book aside gently, her wrists aching from the weight, her neck sore and her eyes tired from reading, Ai allows her eyes to finally fall to his face.

They gaze at each other.

She trembles at his look.

Her hand has just lowered to cup his face, her mouth opening slightly to speak, when suddenly she jerks away, a tiny gasp escaping her lips instead. In alarm Ren starts to question her, but in the same second he finds out exactly what had startled her so.

A chime

Something she always seemed to sense just before anyone else could.

Up and on her feet, already across the room, kneeling in front of the computer, he sees her suddenly flinch back from the screen, as if she'd been burnt.

Going to her and leaning over her to see, Ren gazes at the name from which the request had come.

Yasatani Namiko

In shock Ren in a flash realizes why she looks so startled, this was Yasatani Asumi'smother, the young girl whose death had haunted Ai for so many weeks now. And below her name was the name of none other than the uncle who had brutalized and murdered said daughter.

Hands shaking Ai quickly accepts the request and in one fluid motion is standing; looking for all the world like a soldier going into battle, grim and determined.

"Come" she whispers after a few moments of tension filled silence.

"We have work to do."


End file.
